Mary and Rhoda: The Unwritten Series
by Millie
Summary: My take of what could've/would've/should've happened following the 2000 "Mary and Rhoda" movie. F/F
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Hey," she could hear someone far off in her conscious trying to get her attention, pulling her back to the land of the living. Her eyes flickered open, taking in the half-eaten sandwich she'd given up on finishing, the overturned coffee cups – what a lot of help they'd been! – and then she found that her head was resting on Josh's arm. Josh the tech guy. Josh whom she had only known for several months and now was sleeping on. _Great, just great Mary!_ "You can go on home. I think I've got it from here."

"Are you sure? Oh, Josh. I'm so sorry I fell asleep on you." She righted herself, putting the professional distance that had been lacking back between them. "What time is it anyway?" Mary peered down at her watch but couldn't quite make out the numbers through her half-tired, half-blind eyes.

"It's a quarter past eight." Josh informed her without taking his eyes off of the monitor, the image of the homeless man, James, taking the food he'd just bought to a homeless woman, Ilene, who couldn't walk. Mary had watched the footage over a hundred times that day, knew this man's story like the back of her hand. And she wanted this story to matter, to really stand out and she knew that what she and Josh had accomplished that day was good. Even if Jonah hated her newly founded human interest segment. _Well, he can't hate the inflated ratings anyway._

Mary pulled herself up from her seat, her tired body calling out in protest. She was definitely not thirty any longer. These late nights – was 8:15 really that late? – were not as easy to bounce back from as she had once remembered. "You sure you've got it from here?"

"Positive, ma'am." Josh saluted her.

"You can cut it out with the ma'am." She laughed. "Just call me Mary like everyone else. Please, you don't have to make me feel any older than I already am."

"Have a good night, _Mary_." He smiled. "I'll leave this on Jonah's desk as soon as it's done."

"Great work today." Mary said as she made her way out of the editing room, heading towards her desk. The sandwich Josh had brought her from around the corner several hours ago had done little more than make her want to gag. She was exhausted and starving. She wondered, as she collected up her things, if Rhoda would still be awake. Rhoda, the ever-concerned roommate, had called earlier to see when Mary would be back, promising to save her some proper dinner.

Mary wasn't quite certain why she felt such a pleasant sensation creep through her body at the idea of returning home to Rhoda. Rhoda's sudden appearance back in her life was like a bright ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak room. Her apartment had not felt the same, not since Steven had died. And perhaps that was why she'd left, gone searching through Europe for something intangible, some kind of relief, perhaps. Though she was quickly realizing that maybe all she'd needed was the return of her very best friend. Now she had something to look forward to every evening, someone to return to and suddenly her apartment was a home again. It was alive and warm – perhaps as it had never been – now that Rhoda inhabited its recesses.

Mary smiled to herself. As she picked up the last of the files she needed to go through to place in her satchel, she felt another presence in the news room. Glancing up she noticed the very first person whom had spoken to her on that fateful first day she'd gotten the job here at WNYT. Andrew. Yes, his name was Andrew. The mail boy. Did they still call them mail boys?

"What are you doing here so late?" Mary inquired.

"Oh, I have to do one last video run before the late news." He shrugged and smiled sheepishly back.

"Ah, they certainly work you hard." Mary nodded.

"Yeah, seems like it sometimes. But not nearly as hard as they work you." He moved ever so much closer to her.

"Oh, no. I do it to myself. I mean, it was my idea to add this segment and – oh, I don't want to bore you. But I'm here this late because it's a labor of love, I suppose."

"I wish I could say that running mail and videos was a labor of love for me." Andrew shoved his hands in his pockets, as if he weren't quite sure what to do with them.

"What is your labor of love?" Mary asked.

"I write. Some poetry, plays, mostly short stories." He glanced down at his shoes.

"Really? I'd love to read something some time." Mary found she would be curious to see what twenty-something year old males wrote about nowadays.

"You would? I mean…certainly. I'll bring you some of my stuff tomorrow." He eagerly looked to her again.

"Of course!" Mary pulled her bag onto her shoulder.

"Hey, I hope you wouldn't take this the wrong way, but uh…would you wanna grab a drink with me?" He motioned towards the elevator bank.

Mary, surprised and a little thrown off, laughed sharply. "Oh! I'm not…not laughing at the idea, I just – you'd wanna get a drink with me?"

"Yeah, sure. You're a cool lady. I think we'd have a lot to talk about." He looked very serious about this drink.

Mary waved him off, "oh, please. I'm old enough to be your mot – older sister."

He laughed. "No, really. What do you say to a drink?" Andrew looked so insistent.

"No, no. Not tonight, I'm afraid. I must get home to sleep."

"Maybe tomorrow night?" He persisted.

"You really want to take me out for a drink?" Mary looked seriously at him.

"Yeah, I, uh," he rubbed at the back of his head. Were his cheeks flushing? What was it with all the younger men who fixated so on her? Did she have some sort of cougar allure – wasn't that what they were called nowadays? Cougars and cubs? "Would you go out with me? Tomorrow?"

Mary laughed nervously, "like on a date?"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, yeah." He nodded.

Well, she had to admire his balls. "Uh, okay. One drink. Tomorrow after work. But it'll have to be before 8:30 or I might fall asleep on you."

"I'm off at 5 tomorrow."

"Great." Mary nodded, a curious smile pulling at her lips. Had she really just agreed to a date with a kid who was practically her daughter's age? Was she losing her mind?

Rose would probably be proud of her, for stepping outside her comfort zone and doing something as crazy as going out with this boy. Oh God, what had she just done?

It was just a drink, right?

The tension eased from her shoulders as she placed the key in the lock, turning the door handle to enter into her home. There was an immediate sense of peace that overcame her, a contented feeling that enveloped her like a hug as she stepped over the threshold and inhaled the fragrant remnants of whatever delicious dish Rhoda had made that evening, mixed with the scent of a cinnamon candle, and a fragrance that was solely Rhoda. It was warm and inviting, this mix of aromas.

"Rhoda! You'll never believe what happened to me today." Mary laughed to herself as she tossed the mail onto the table by the door, her keys going into the little dish, slipping from her heels, moaning in delight as her stocking clad feet hit the ground.

There was no response.

"Rhoda?" Mary tried again, for the woman couldn't be too far away, could she?

Mary rounded the corner into the kitchen, happy to find a little plate covered in tin foil waiting for her – how she'd longed to have had this in her marriage! Perhaps she'd gotten it wrong all those years, maybe she'd needed a wife all along. She read the handwritten note, Rhoda's beautiful, flowing script, of how long to microwave the food, reminding her to remove the tin foil, as if she were a child and didn't know! As she popped it in the microwave she glanced about, realizing that Rhoda was absent. Had she gone to bed already? A wave of disappointment washed over her.

"Rho? Are you still awake?" Mary moved from the kitchen to the sitting room, peering down the stairs into the second level. Here she could make out the sounds of a television, the flicker of its surface dancing on the wall. Rhoda was probably passed out in front of the television, exhausted from her own day of work.

A rather uncharacteristic moan, however, caught Mary's attention. Her ears perked up then, homed in on the sound. Was that…. but certainly Rhoda wasn't making…There it was again! It wasn't a cry of discomfort or fear it was…pleasurable, gratifying, orgasmic. What in the world…

Mary wasn't quite certain she should venture down into the television room. She wasn't quite certain she wanted to know what she'd find. But those moans, those groans of passion were not Rhoda's – not that Mary would know what Rhoda sounded like in such moments, but there was a certain quality to the noises that made Mary very sure they could not belong to Rhoda. So then who….

Mary found herself inching down the stairs, millions of possibilities flashing before her, one including her own daughter, which made her pause for a moment.

When she rounded the corner, her mouth fell open. There, before her, were two women passionately entwined together in some strange position, their bodies completely nude, touching the way a woman and man might. Was that woman really….oh but then…where was her mouth going…. "Oh my God!" Mary gasped.

"Mare?" Rhoda turned then, popping up from her spot on the couch. The television screen went suddenly blank. "Mary, I can explain…I…oh." Rhoda fell into a fit of giggles. "Oh God, kid. I know what this looks like, but I…"

"Well it looks like two women having sex in some kind of pornographic movie." Mary crossed her arms over her chest.

"Uh, yeah, Mare. That would be what two women having sex look like. Oh, come on. You've never watched a porno? Oh, who am I kidding. Of course Mary Richards hasn't seen a porno."

"I never said that." Mary insisted. "Steven and I watched a number of …. pornos …. together."

"A number? Whatd'ya mean? Like one." Rhoda laughed, her body relaxing from being frightened half to the death by Mary's sudden appearance. She moved to the VCR and ejected the tape.

"Why were you watching that?" Mary wasn't sure why her voice quivered when she asked this question.

"Well, I didn't know what it was, to be honest. I was just going through some things and thought I'd see if you had any family videos of when Rose was a little kid. I was curious about her and I found this one, labeled "Rose 1998" and assumed it was a home video, not a porno." Rhoda ran a hand through her hair and moved towards Mary. "I mean, come on, kid. Can you imagine me, Rhoda, voluntarily watching a dirty lesbian flick?" Rhoda's smile was a little lopsided, a little uncertain.

They held one another's gazes for a moment, watching the other. Those nearly twenty years of being separated had left Mary feeling so close yet so far from Rhoda. Did she really know that Rhoda wouldn't watch such a thing?

Mary looked away first. She waved her hands before her, as if clearing the air. "Of course not. I just wonder how it got there."

"Who knows. But clever to hide it in plain sight." Rhoda laughed and stepped past Mary, heading towards the stairs. "Did you find your dinner?"

"Heating it up now." Mary nodded, following after her roommate, back to the kitchen where Rhoda put on a pot of water for tea. Their somewhat nightly ritual.

Rhoda sat at the table with Mary as she picked at her food.

"You'll never guess what happened as I was leaving tonight." Mary, still distracted by what she'd come home to, decided to rewind and take it back to the moment before she'd discovered her housemate watching what she'd been watching.

"What?"

"The mail boy asked _me_ out on a date." Mary rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

Rhoda burst out laughing, "oh Mare. You've still got your charm, kid. Can't keep those men away. Or should I say boys." Rhoda's eyes twinkled. "The younger ones always did take a shine to you, didn't they?"

"You know, you're right. I don't know what it is about me but younger men have always been drawn to me."

"It's your long, long legs and friendly demeanor, I'd say. Lends itself to admirers of the younger generation." Rhoda winked. "Hey, how'd you turn him down?"

Mary glanced up from her bite of delicious smoked salmon – God, had Rhoda learned how to cook! "Uh, I didn't."

"You di – Mare! You can't be serious. How many times do I gotta tell you? The younger ones aren't worth it."

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary reached out and grabbed her hand. "What's the harm in a drink with a colleague. One drink. Tomorrow night."

Rhoda looked rather thrown off by this announcement. "One drink, huh? Well, I trust you'll have him home before bedtime."

"Oh, stop it." Mary released her hand with a laugh. How she'd missed their witty banter, how glad she was to have her back. _Why had she been watching a lesbian porno? Why had those women been doing_ that _? Was_ that _even possible?_ "You've – uh," Mary scratched her forehead. "You've really watched pornos before?"

Rhoda looked a little confused by the change in conversation before laughing again. "Sure kid. Living in Paris they're everywhere, sex is everywhere. Jean-Pierre was really into them. They're not so bad, I mean the more tastefully done ones. I know how horrible it can be, for the girls, but in Paris they were regarded differently…" Rhoda shrugged. "Oh, stop looking at me like that. I was just about to turn it off before you got home. I don't _enjoy_ them."

"I didn't think – well…" Mary sighed. How much really had changed between them? Why was it making Mary so crazy? It shouldn't matter at all. Rhoda had accidentally stumbled across it and shouldn't Mary be angry with Steven or….oh God, Rose. Rose with her bisexual tendencies. It was probably Rose's. She would kill her. Ground her for eternity when she saw her again, though how could one really ground a twenty-one-year-old who didn't even live at home anymore?

"Can we just forget the whole thing, Mare?" Rhoda grinned, grasping for Mary's hand across the table.

Mary nodded, a smile pulling at her lips as she felt their fingers entwine. "Consider it forgotten."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I, uh, enjoyed your poem on the beauty of a woman in the winter of her life." Mary remarked, smiling over the rim of her wine glass in the dimly lit cocktail bar. Andrew had led her to the underground bar right around the corner from their office. She wondered how many other women he'd successfully gotten to accompany him here.

"You're the first person to get that." He beamed over his tumbler of whiskey. The boy liked whiskey, apparently. Such an aged, grown up drink. And here he was. Twenty-six. All of twenty-six and wining and dining a sixty-year-old. Well, she supposed he had a thing for women like her, judging by the poem he'd written about the older woman.

"Was she someone special to you?"

Andrew looked a little taken off-guard by the question, faltering a bit as he placed the tumbler on the table before him. "She was. But she's not any more. You, uh, you remind me of her."

Mary laughed, "what's your deal, huh? You've got a thing for older women?"

Andrew shrugged and smiled, "I guess you could say that."

"Really, what is it about us that so fascinates you? Why not go out on a date with that girl over there." Mary nodded towards the gorgeous brunette who had just walked in amongst a group of girlfriends. She was laughing, full of life, a confident look to her as she made her way to the bar and ordered a drink. God, the woman was stunning. She looked a bit like Rhoda had when she was younger.

"You're far more beautiful and far more fascinating." Andrew didn't even give this Rhoda-look-alike a glance.

"Oh, you're being ridiculous. I'm not all that fascinating."

"I bet you are. Tell me about yourself." Andrew leaned forward, the interest playing on his face charming, endearing. Mary liked him, liked how he made her feel seen. Who said that women turned invisible after a certain age?

"Well," Mary tucked a strand of hair behind her ear absently. Where to begin? "I was born in Minnesota, near Minneapolis. I grew up there, went to college for a few years, thought I was going to marry a doctor, but then went to work at the local television station instead. Then I moved to New York once I was dismissed from the station after being there for seven years. I started working in the city, met my husband, Steven, had a daughter – who is practically your age – and now I'm back working because my husband squandered all of our money in his last political campaign. He died a year ago and now I'm living with my girlfriend, whom I met when I lived in Minneapolis."

"See, you're interesting Mary. Really interesting." Andrew grinned.

"I don't think I'm so interesting." Mary laughed, "pretty average, really."

"No, Mary. You're fantastic. I think it's great. All that you've accomplished, all you've done."

"Well, thank you." Mary felt funny accepting his praise. She sipped her wine, meeting his eyes over the rim of her glass. He was really interested in her. Such a strange boy. "And what have you accomplished in your twenty-six years?"

"Oh, well. I have my bachelors from Columbia in creative writing. Had a tumultuous love affair with a professor, got this job at WNYT, wrote a few stories here and there, got a few published, and now I've met you."

Mary's eye brows rose. "Well, it sounds like you have accomplished quite a bit so far."

"Yeah, so see. We're not so different."

"Oh, well, I think we have just about thirty…thirty-four years of difference between us." Mary calculated in her head. God! Thirty-four years! She'd started working at WJM four years before he'd been born.

"Mary, cut it out with the age thing. I'm serious about getting to know you." Andrew looked at her with such conviction, such admiration. "Ever since that first day I saw you walking to Jonah's office. I knew I wanted to get to know you."

Mary shook her head. She laughed, "I'm flattered, really, but I just don't know…I don't think it's a good idea. I mean, I'm just figuring things out after my husband died a year ago and I…"

"We can take it slow." Andrew calmly sipped his whiskey. "I just want to get to know you better. No pressure." He held up his hands, meeting her wary gaze across the table. "I mean, unless there's someone else in the picture…"

Someone else? There was no one else. "What do you mean?"

"You mentioned living with your girlfriend, I, uh, I just…"

"What? Oh, no. No. Like a girl that is a friend. Girl. Friend." Mary waved her hands about, feeling a flush creep into her cheeks. "No, Rhoda and I always referred to one another as girlfriends. Because that's what we are. Girls that are friends."

Andrew held up his hands. "Hey," he laughed, "you don't have to get defensive about it. I get what you're saying."

How had he even come to such a silly conclusion? Girlfriends lived together nowadays, right? It didn't _always_ have to be a gay thing. Certainly, she was not gay and neither was Rhoda. As far as she knew, anyway. Her mind briefly flashed to what those two women had been doing together in that explicit film. The film Rhoda had been watching rather intently now that she came to think about it…. No, no. Rhoda wasn't _gay_.

Mary downed the last of her wine.

"Then I don't see that we have a problem." Andrew was smirking at her.

"I can foresee a little problem." Mary sighed, settling her wine glass back on the tabletop. "Andrew, you're very kind. I think we should be good friends, but quite honestly, I'm not ready to…I'm not in a place to be dating. Not yet. Do you understand?"

Andrew peered down into his whiskey. He looked a little hurt, a little upset, but he nodded gamely. "I get it. But, but maybe when you're ready…"

Mary placed her hand over his. "You'll be my first choice, I promise." She stood up from the table, tossing a twenty down atop its dark lacquered surface.

"Hey, I was going to pay." He grabbed it up and tried to hand it back to her.

"No, this is on me." Mary smiled. Leaning in she pressed her lips to his cheek. "Don't wait for me, though. You hear me? Go talk to that cute girl at the bar. She's really something." Mary nodded in the direction of Rhoda's younger doppelganger.

Andrew shrugged, sulking down in his seat as Mary left him there.

Poor kid. Poor, sweet kid.

Mary less enthusiastically placed her key in the lock to her apartment, wondering if perhaps she would catch Rhoda at something else shocking and unexpected this evening. She hated the strange feeling that gathered in the pit of her stomach. As she stepped through the threshold, however, that familiar home scent wafted towards her, put her slightly frayed nerves at ease. The wine she'd consumed made her head swirl, warming her as she slid out of her heels.

"Mare? Mare is that you?" Rhoda called out first this time. She'd heard the door, knew that Mary was back.

"Yeah, Rhoda." Mary grinned, realizing that she would not discover her roommate in a compromised position this evening.

"Come tell me all about your little date." Rhoda yelled back from her room.

"Oh, it wasn't really even a date." Mary shed her jacket as she walked towards the bedroom. She loosened the scarf about her neck as she rounded the corner and stepped into the room that was Rhoda personified. The woman had morphed her daughter's old room into a warm, cozy, colorful haven. The woman herself was already tucked between the sheets, novel in hand, cup of tea on her bedside, a candy apple scented candle burning nearby. She looked so warm and cozy sitting there, so content.

Rhoda patted the spot beside herself on the bed, settling her book atop her bedside table. Mary happily followed the order, climbing into the bed beside Rhoda, curling up against her warm side.

"Wasn't really a date, huh?" Rhoda eyed her as she wrapped an arm about Mary, pulling her in closer. "I think your little boyfriend thought otherwise."

"Yeah, I suppose he did think so. He was so persistent, but I…I just told him I wasn't ready for anyone." Mary rested her head against Rhoda's soft chest, inhaling that decadent smell that was solely Rhoda. How had they spent so many years apart? Oh, what did it matter now? They were reunited and Rhoda wasn't going anywhere. Mary secured her arm about the younger woman, as if afraid she might vanish.

Rhoda let her fingers dance against Mary's protective arm mindlessly. "I can understand that, Mare. Besides, I don't think a kid is the right rebound after losing your grown-up husband."

"He's young, yes, but he…well he has a good head on his shoulders. He writes lovely poetry, he's very kind."

"You're just not taken by him." Rhoda interpreted.

"Right. I'm content being here with you for now. Who says we need men to complete us anyway."

"You're right. I think I might as well just be done with men. I mean what have they done for me? Nothing. First was Joe and that didn't last and then Jean-Pierre, boy was I ever stupid to marry him. I mean, apart from Meredith, it was a horrible, stupid decision."

"You never were good at picking men." Mary laughed, burying herself deeper into her friend.

"Exactly. Unlucky in love Rhoda." Rhoda sighed. "You, you had a wonderful marriage. God, I should have given up Jean-Pierre and followed you and Steven around and maybe some other congressman might have noticed me and then I would have been as favored as you in love."

"Oh hush," Mary playfully swatted at Rhoda's side. "It was a wonderful marriage, but…" Mary sighed. All the things she'd never told anyone, all the things she'd thought but had never voiced surfaced then. And somehow in Rhoda's arms she felt capable of speaking them. As long as she was focused on the "ETC." sign that hung across from Rhoda's bed. Rhoda stayed quiet, as if waiting for Mary to disprove her logic. "Steven was a wonderful man, a great father, a good politician, an idiot when it came to money – unbeknownst to me – but otherwise he was a great man. He was a safe choice. Mother and father loved him. All of our friends loved him. I felt special on his arm at galas and events. I liked his power, his position. But life between us was just that…it was boring, mundane life. You know, I don't think we'd had sex in the entire last two years of his life! I mean can you imagine it? A passionless marriage, really. A kiss here and there, but never anything passionate. I can't be entirely certain that there wasn't someone else. But, even if there was I almost wouldn't have cared. Am I so horrible that I was _glad_ we weren't intimate?"

"Oh, Mare. No, that doesn't make you horrible." Rhoda ran her hand through Mary's hair. "I don't think passion and love are always one in the same. I was so passionate about Jean-Pierre, but I can't tell if I ever really loved him, nor he me. But you, you Mare. You had someone to love." Rhoda insisted.

Mary contemplated this. Had she loved Steven? Had she really loved him? Certainly she'd liked him a whole lot, had gotten along with him very well, but had she ever really felt passionately or lovingly towards him?

Oh, this was all getting too deep. "I suppose so." Mary decided to agree, for the sake of the argument. She sat up then, moving reluctantly away from the warmth her roommate so willingly offered her, afraid to outstay her welcome. For she was certain that if Rhoda had allowed it, Mary might just end up in her arms for the rest of the evening. She looked into those contented hazel eyes and smiled. "Heya, wanna order in some dinner? I'm too exhausted to cook."

"Sounds great, kid." Rhoda agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She flagged Rose down in the crowded Union Square cafe. She was delighted whenever her daughter honored her with her presence at a stolen lunch every now and again. She'd decided to call on her, to take her out because it was heading towards the end of the semester and Mary knew with finals coming she would never see her daughter. Only at their weekly meals with Rhoda and Meredith would she get to make sure that Rose was alive and well. And so she'd called and asked her to lunch.

"Mother, you don't have to wave quite so enthusiastically." The girl loudly whispered as she pulled her mother into a tight hug, letting Mary know that she wasn't really mortified at all.

"Just wanted to make sure you could see me in this crowded place. You say the food is good here?"

"Cross my heart, it's the best place near campus. And it's cheap." Rose winked. God, how poor did she think they had become? There were still assets, savings, the apartment...they weren't in the poor house yet!

Once they'd settled into their meal, Mary dared to wonder into boyfriend territory, curious as to how Rose was handling living with this guy that Mary barely knew. She certainly wished she knew him better.

"Oh, we broke up."

"You what?" Mary paused mid-salad bite.

"Yeah, we broke up."

"Well where are you living?" Mary was indignant. How could Rose just make these huge life decisions and not inform her. She might be living on the streets for all Mary knew. "I mean really, Rose. You know you can talk to me."

"I know, I know, mom. It's fine!" Rose laughed.

"Fine! I don't even know where you live or what you're doing half the time." Mary put her head in her hands. How had she raised this child? Was it all those years she'd been absent that had caused Rose to never think to come to her?

"Mom, it's fine! I'm fine! I moved in with some girls from school. The rents cheap because I basically sleep in a closet. But I love it. Okay?" Rose was grinning, just really enjoying the whole poor student shtick.

"Rose! Do you need money? I can get you in your own place, you know you can come to me."

"Mom," Rose placed her hand over her's. "I'm fine. Okay. You gotta let me make my mistakes. And it's not a mistake. I really like these girls."

Mary took a deep breath and conceded. "Okay." She held up her hands in surrender. "Okay." She returned to her salad, glancing briefly then at her daughter. "Any girl in particular that you like?"

"Mom!" Rose laughed.

"Well, I never know with you. Boys, girls."

"No, there's no girl or boy at the moment." Rose assured her. "What about you?"

"What do you mean, what about me?" Mary looked a little caught off-guard at the personal question. Did children ask about their parent's love lives?

"Are you seeing anyone? You know, I'd be okay if you were. Daddy's been gone for a year and you...you deserve to have someone. You know."

"Uh no. I mean, no. I don't want to discuss this with you. It's...it's not right."

"Mom, come on." Rose rolled her eyes. "Oh my God, is there someone?"

"No, absolutely not!" Mary stuck her fork in the salad roughly.

"You're not getting close to Rhoda, are you?"

"What?" Mary's eyes shot up then, she felt her cheeks burn ever so slightly at the comment.

Rose started laughing. "Well, I mean come on, Mom, you live together now. And you're always so close whenever Meredith and I are over for dinner. Always hugging and touching. You were never like that with daddy."

"I was most certainly that way with your...oh, really Rose. Rhoda and I are very close friends. I'm not...she's not..."

"You don't have to get defensive about it." Rose grinned. Mary resented that grin.

"I'm not defensive, there's just nothing more than friendship between us." Mary insisted, looking back to her salad.

"If you insist." Rose just couldn't help the smile that lingered, couldn't seem to make it go away.

"I do. I mean, I'm not...and she's most certainly not. I've never met a more man obsessed woman...well..."

"Mom, you know it's totally cool if you were."

"But I'm not. We're not." Mary spoke finitely.

"Okay, well. Maybe you should get back out there then."

Mary sighed, thoughts of her failed date with Andrew swirling about in her mind. Could she go through all of that again? She really, really didn't want to go through all of that again. "I'd rather just enjoy your and Rhoda's company."

Rose bit her lip.

"Stop it." Mary threatened playfully with her fork.

"I didn't say anything."

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary sighed as she split open the pea in her hands.

"What is it, Mare?" Rhoda placed her hands on Mary's hips to alert her that she was reaching over her for a glass from the cabinet. Mary stilled, peas forgotten momentarily as Rhoda pressed up against her to reach upwards. She could have moved, could have stepped away but she stayed firmly trapped between the counter and Rhoda. She liked the warmth of it, the weight of her body against her.

Oh God, was she turning gay now? Honestly.

She felt her breathing return to normal once Rhoda had retrieved the glass was after, turning then to the sink. Their kitchen was entirely too small for the two of them. Impossibly stifling. Mary felt warm.

But this couldn't be. No, this would not do. No, Mary could only laugh about it, could only make it into a joke. Rhoda would get it, wouldn't she? She's probably laugh too at how preposterous the idea of the two of them together would be. "Rhoda, it's so silly really, but everyone thinks that we're...that you and I are..."

Rhoda paused at the sink. "That you," Rhoda pointed at Mary, "and I?" She jabbed the finger back to herself as if she needed to fully grasp what Mary was implying. She burst out laughing, just as Rose had at the insinuation, just as Mary had thought she might. It was preposterous.

"Well, it's not funny." Mary felt an uncertain grin tug at her lips. Why was Rhoda laughing?

"Oh, Mare. Who is everyone?"

"Oh just..." Mary brushed the back of her hand over her brow, pushing away errant strands of hair. "Well, Rose and Andrew..."

"Your little boy toy?" Rhoda laughed again. "Why would he think so? He doesn't know me."

"Well, I said I lived with my 'girlfriend' and apparently that means something different nowadays."

"Uh huh," Rhoda nodded, chuckling to herself as she turned to check on the roast atop the stove. "And Rose?"

"Well, she was just...noticing how close we are."

"We've always been close." Rhoda shrugged.

Mary nodded. They had always been close. The closest two women could be. And then Rhoda had run away leaving Mary to pack up after her. Why had she run away?

"Have you ever thought about it?" Mary turned to face Rhoda's back, curiosity overtaking her, daring her to ask.

Rhoda turned to face Mary. "What? You and me?"

"No, uh," Mary wasn't sure she wanted to know just that. Not yet. Anyway. "I mean with a woman...I've never even thought about it."

"Really Mare? You've never been just a little bit curious?"

"No." _Maybe_.

Rhoda laughed. "Of course not. Not little Miss Perfect Richards. American Girl Extraordinaire."

"Oh stop it!" Mary swatted at Rhoda. "I can't imagine that you have either, so there." Mary stuck out her tongue, but Rhoda didn't lose the sly look that turned up the corners of her lips. "Have you?"

Rhoda shrugged and found her water glass extremely fascinating. "I might have. A time or two."

"Two?"

"Oh, it's just a phrase." Rhoda turned to check on the roast that had not gotten any closer to being done than it had only moments ago when she'd checked it. "Not two. I mean, I've always found women attractive, my God, I've always been jealous enough of how attractive they are."

"Oh, come on, Rhoda. You're attractive." Mary insisted.

Rhoda waved her hand and turned back towards Mary. Her eyes, however, stayed trained on the floor. "You're gonna laugh, Mare. Really, it was so ridiculous."

"No, tell me." Mary felt her pulse quickening. Why were her hands suddenly clammy? Why was her stomach twisting into knots?

"I uh, well after Jean-Pierre left me I moved into this great little flat. He financed it, of course, I mean after all he'd done it was the least he could do, and I…I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. And so I'd go walking down the street and right around the corner, see, there was this flower shop. There were always all of these beautiful flowers out front and I would stop and buy them on my way home from wondering around. I always had fresh flowers in that apartment."

"What does this have to do with…"

"I'm getting to the point, kid." Rhoda laughed at Mary's impatience.

Mary was slowly beginning to resent flowers.

"The woman who owned the shop, Louise, she always came out to speak with me. I tried speaking in French and she kindly spoke back to me in English because, Mare, I never learned. The whole time I was over there, I was dreadful."

"Uh, huh…and so Louise…" Mary was getting irritated.

"Right, so Louise and I started taking coffee at a local café and one thing led to another…and, oh Mare, I don't want to bore you with the details of it all. I was curious, you know? And I was on this crazy quest to 'find myself', to understand who Rhoda Morgenstern really is. And so I had," Rhoda rubbed at her forehead, "an experience."

"I see." Mary nodded, her demeanor altered for now she really hated flowers and really hated cafes in Paris and really hated women named Louise.

"Kid, you don't…uh, don't think it's wrong. Of me? Do you? I wouldn't have told you, but we got on this subject and now…well, I had never really meant to tell anyone. But…"

"No, Rhoda. No, it's just fine. I'm glad you told me." Mary moved, turning back to shell her peas with more vigor than she'd had before.

Rhoda was quiet behind her. Mary could feel her presence close by in the kitchen, so near to her, yet so far away, so unknown. What else didn't she know about Rhoda? She'd said "once or twice". Had there been others? Mary really hoped not. Really, really.

"Hey, Mare. You sure you're okay? With it?" Rhoda sounded tense, uncertain behind her and Mary hadn't meant for that to happen.

She turned and smiled back at Rhoda, "yeah, yes. It's fine."

Rhoda didn't look much relieved by this response.

"Really, it's fine. My own daughter has dallied in just that sort of thing."

"Rose?" Rhoda looked a bit thrown off.

"Yes, I'm fine with it. I promise." Mary smiled. She reached out and took hold of Rhoda's hand, squeezing it briefly. "I better get these peas finished. The roast will be done soon."

Rhoda nodded, squeezing her hand back. But the look on her face was still uncertain, neither able to meet the other's eyes. "Yeah. Sure kid."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Mary couldn't sleep.

Every time she closed her eyes she kept seeing a beautiful stone-lined Parisian street upon which set a gorgeous little flower shop with some young, attractive woman named Louise. She really hated this woman. She really hated this visual. She really hated that when she saw Louise she could also see Rhoda with Louise. Could envision them hugging, touching, holding hands, kissing.

Then images of that porno flashed in her mind.

Had Rhoda done _that_ with Louise?

Mary sat straight up in bed. Wide awake now.

It was like a nightmare to envision Rhoda and Louise in such a way. She never wanted to envision Rhoda with anyone like that. Ever. Rhoda didn't belong with Louise. Or Joe. Or Jean-Pierre.

Rhoda belonged here. With Mary.

Mary tossed off the covers, finding that sleep was fruitless, evasive.

Her feet slid into slippers, arms slipping into her silky pink robe.

There would be no sleep. She would make tea. She would have a cup of tea and maybe watch some re-runs on late night television.

A thought crossed her mind. A bad, evil thought.

What if she were to slip that video that Rhoda had uncovered into the machine and press play? What if she were to watch what Rhoda had been watching?

Why did it so interest her? Two women rolling around together like a man and a woman did.

Her heart sped up at the thought of how easy it would be to sneak downstairs and turn it on. It was still there, after all. Still sitting there with the rest of the home videos. God, were there others? She felt like a giddy teenager, doing something awful behind her parents' backs.

Would she really do it? Could she really do it?

Mary shook her head, "no."

No, she would simply make tea. That was all.

She pulled open her door as quietly as possible, stepping out into the hallway.

Her feet carried her only a few steps, however. She paussed there in the middle of the hallway, her eyes coming to rest on the closed door of her roommate's room. Inside of which Rhoda would be fast asleep. Dreaming pleasant dreams. Would she be dreaming of Louise?

 _Cut it out_. Mary admonished herself.

Mary moved to take a step towards the kitchen, but then froze, practically felt her heart leap into her throat when the door she'd just been staring at opened.

Rhoda, wide-eyed, hair askew, make-up-less, draped in her dark purple bathrobe, stood before her.

The two stared at one another, Mary with hand over her heart, Rhoda looking a bit like a scared rabbit about to dart off.

"Oh. Rhoda. You scared me."

"You scared me, kid!" Rhoda sighed, her voice betraying her equally sleepless night.

" _What_ are you doing up?" Mary demanded, pulling her robe more tightly about herself.

"What are _you_ doing up?" Rhoda insisted, mimicking Mary's gesture.

"Stop repeating what I say." Mary loudly whispered.

"Well, I have the same questions." Rhoda shrugged, rubbing at her forehead. "I couldn't sleep. I was just going to..."

Mary nodded, "yeah, me too."

"Oh, well…"

But neither moved. Both held the other's gaze in the dimly lit hallway.

"Oh, Rhoda. I didn't mean…I hope I didn't hurt your feelings earlier."

"No, hey, kid. You didn't. I just…hadn't planned on telling anyone. About that. You know. It's not typically something I would do. It just…"

"I know." Mary nodded, hugging herself.

More silence, something hanging heavy in the air between them. They both just stood there, awkwardly.

"Except I wish it hadn't happened." Mary found herself saying.

"Oh, Mare. I know." Rhoda stepped forward, a little smile ghosting across her lips.

"What?" Mary's brow furrowed.

Rhoda's hand moved to reach out, to press against Mary's cheek. Mary wasn't sure if she liked that Rhoda was touching her so lovingly or if she rather resented it in that moment. Rhoda's thumb caressed over her skin. "I wish it had been different." Rhoda bit her lip, their bodies coming impossibly closer to one another.

"Then why did you?" Mary whimpered, all the fight in her slowly dissolving with each caress of Rhoda's thumb.

"I don't know, kid. I liked her. I was…curious."

"Did you…" Mary found she was having trouble breathing. "Did you like it?"

Rhoda laughed a little, nervously. "Yeah. I did."

"Oh," Mary looked down.

"Hey," Rhoda urged her focus back up, forcing their eyes back together. "Hey, I – uh…" Rhoda's eyes searched Mary's, looking a little frightened, a little unsure as they did so. Her eyes were asking Mary a question that Mary couldn't quite…wasn't quite ready to understand or answer. Rhoda's lips inched ever closer.

Mary tilted her head upwards, lips meeting lips there in the dark of night.

She was kissing Rhoda. Rhoda was kissing her.

It started timidly, lips uncertain, cautious, careful.

But something overcame Mary. A raw, emotional want, a need. She grasped onto Rhoda, pulling her closer, walking her backwards until Rhoda was pressed up against the wall. Mary wanted to consume her, every inch of her, wanted to know that _she_ was the only one that Rhoda wanted to kiss. And she would kiss her so Goddamn well that maybe Rhoda would never think of Louise or Joe or Jean-Pierre ever again.

Rhoda's arms were wrapped about Mary, holding her close. The little moan, that cute little moan that escaped from her lips as Mary hungrily took all that she had never known she wanted until this very moment, was the most wonderful sound she had ever heard in her life. Never before had she heard Rhoda make such a noise and Mary loved it, reveled in it.

"Mare," Rhoda sighed against her lips, "Oh, Mary." Rhoda's fingers threaded up into Mary's hair, pulling her lips closer.

Mary pulled back, looking into Rhoda's watery eyes. "Is this…are you okay?"

Rhoda nodded, "yes." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Mary's. "Yes, oh, kid. I've thought about it…but I didn't…and I was afraid…"

"It's okay, Rhoda. It's okay."

"Yeah?" Rhoda nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Yes," Mary wiped the tear away, kissing Rhoda fiercely again. "Oh, I love you. You know that, Rho?"

"I know, Mare. I love you, too, kid." Rhoda pulled her back against her. Their lips melded together.

"Rhoda, oh, Rhoda." Mary held her away for a moment, cupping her face between her hands, letting her fingers slide into Rhoda's silky hair. "Rhoda, I need," Mary swallowed, feeling giddy, like a teenager again. Yet also scared, very scared.

"What, Mare?" Rhoda held her close, her thumbs circling where they rested against the small of Mary's back.

"I need you to h-hold me." Mary's voice broke on the word, feeling so stupid and silly and vulnerable for asking.

Rhoda nodded. The request was not silly to her. The request was understood, was heard.

"I need, can we…oh, I want, but I think…" Mary's mind was a jumble.

"Hey, we don't have to do anything tonight. Okay, kid?" Rhoda leaned in and kissed her. "We can take it slow." She whispered as their foreheads rested together.

Mary laughed, "haven't we taken it slow enough?"

Rhoda grinned. "You know what I mean."

"I know." Mary captured her lips, so hungry, so in want. But it was all so new, this feeling, this desire, this love that was bubbling over. How she never wanted to be apart from Rhoda ever again. How she longed to be wrapped up beside her every night, inhaling that scent that was Rhoda, hearing her heart beat where her ear would be pressed up against her chest. Yes, she never wanted to spend another night without that.

"Come on, kid." Rhoda pushed her away lightly, their hands finding one another, entwining together as Rhoda led her into her bedroom. Rhoda moved them towards the side of the bed that Mary always inhabited when they would snuggle together after work. How much that had meant, Mary now realized as they hovered there, Rhoda's arm circling about her waist.

Mary wanted to know every inch of her, but there would be time for that, wouldn't there? Tonight she wanted to feel as close as possible to the woman before her. She leaned forward, pressing their lips together, sliding Rhoda's bathrobe from her shoulders. Her skin was smooth, soft where her fingers trailed against it. Mary buried her face in her neck, inhaling her decadent scent, kissing there at her collarbone.

"You sure you don't want to…uh…" Rhoda gasped a little.

Mary nodded, pressing their lips together. "Sorry."

Rhoda laughed, "it's okay. Get in bed."

Mary took off her bathrobe before following the order. She waited for Rhoda to join her, delighting in the dip of the bed, the way in which Rhoda scooted towards her, wrapped her arms about her and held her close.

Mary turned in her arms, turned to face her in the room illuminated by the city nightlights. Rhoda held her impossibly close, wrapped herself about Mary, pulled their lips together to kiss her.

Mary sighed, content for the first time in years. Her body humming with life. It was like a switch had been flipped and suddenly her life went from black and white to bright technicolor. Rhoda, Rhoda. It had always been Rhoda. When had they realized, when had they known? Had they always known that they should end up like this, wrapped up together as they were?

The night rolled on, but they seemed suspended in that moment. Kissing, staring into one another's eyes, Mary memorizing the curve of Rhoda's lips, the shape of her perfect nose, the wrinkles about her clear eyes, her perfect cheek bones. The woman was gorgeous, absolutely the most attractive person Mary had seen in her life and she loved her. God, she loved her.

Rhoda pulled her in closer, brushed their lips together, taking Mary's bottom lip between her teeth, sucking lightly at it.

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary sighed, breath shaky, nerves set on edge. "Rhoda, Rhoda." Mary's body was humming, vibrating at a frequency she had never known possible. "Rhoda. Why did you leave me?" She found herself demanding, the words tumbling from her lips without warning, without any thought. But there it was, the question that had sat between them for twenty-six years. Ever since Rhoda had snuck off to New York to visit her family and never came back.

Rhoda pulled back then, her brow creasing as she regarded Mary there in the dark. She seemed speechless, thrown off by Mary's question that had floated out of nowhere.

"No, no." Mary pulled her back to her, kissing her. She needed to know, but she needed Rhoda to be there with her, touching her. "I just," Mary whispered as she pressed her lips to Rhoda's cheek, burying her face again in her neck to kiss her soft skin there. "You left me. You never came back." Mary felt the tears pricking at her eyes.

Rhoda exhaled, her own breath shaky against Mary's ear. Mary felt Rhoda's lips on her temple, kissing her, pulling her close. Didn't she know how much that had hurt? Had she felt the same way that Mary now realized she had felt back then? Had she known? Was that why she ran?

"You left me and then the next thing I knew you had Joe." Mary nuzzled her head closer, kissing Rhoda's cheek, letting her know that she wasn't mad. Not currently. She just needed to know, to understand. "I never liked Joe."

Rhoda's laughter was tear stained. "I know, kid. I knew you didn't."

"I tried – I tried to pretend. I pretended that I did because I wanted you to be happy, but I wasn't happy. Rhoda, I wasn't happy." Mary gasped through her tears, her hands grasping, clutching at the woman in her arms.

Rhoda held her tighter, choked up. Mary could sense that she wanted to laugh through this moment, make it light-hearted, make it easy, but this wouldn't be easy. No, this couldn't be that easy. "I wasn't happy either, Mare." Rhoda whispered, leaning back to wipe at her eyes.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you leave then?"

"Mary," Rhoda sighed. "What would we have done? I had no idea how you felt, I had no idea what could have happened and I couldn't…I didn't want to live in your shadow and watch you get married to some great guy and be happy. It made me sick to think about." Rhoda pinched the bridge of her nose, unable to really look at Mary. "You made me all…well I felt self-conscious. Right before I left, do you remember, Mare? I was hanging out with Lou. We were friends, just friends, and you were…you hated it. And I wasn't sure why and I realized that I didn't want to keep guessing for the rest of my life whether Mary Richards had feelings for me or not. It was painful, Mary. So painful."

"I had no idea, I…I didn't know." Mary sniffed, pulling Rhoda closer to herself, pulling her in to her, kissing her. "If I had known, if only we'd talked about it…"

"It was the 70s, Mare. It wasn't a thing people were really talking about. Maybe people in the younger-set were talking about it, but we were in our thirties and it…it wasn't for us." Rhoda responded wistfully.

"You ran away, though! Before we ever had a chance." Mary insisted.

"Yes! Yes, Mary. I did run away. I ran away, because…I was scared." Rhoda set her jaw, frustration at the situation, at herself coloring her words. "Why didn't you put up a fight then?"

"I didn't know!" Mary conceded. "I didn't know that I needed you. So much. Rhoda, I need you."

"I know, Mare. I need you, too." Rhoda pulled her in, pressing her lips to Mary's tear-stained cheek. Her hands sliding over Mary's sides, wrapping about her. "I need you now." Rhoda whispered, responding amicably when Mary tugged slightly at her hand, willing it towards her chest. She needed Rhoda to touch her. God, she wanted the woman so badly. She had thought they should take things slowly but the way in which Rhoda's hands traveled over her body made her wild.

"I did." Mary gasped when Rhoda's hand ghosted over her taut breast, the nipple so painfully erect that the slightest brush of Rhoda's finger made Mary shiver.

"What, Mare?" Rhoda kissed her. Mary gasped in surprise when Rhoda's leg slid there between her own. It felt firm, solid resting there against her. She needed this, was unable to stop herself from rubbing against the other woman. Her body had taken on a mind of its own. Rhoda was making her crazy. A midnight madness enveloping them.

"I tried to – oh - put up a fight." Mary allowed her hand to slide down from Rhoda's side to her backend and then back in a circular motion, gripping ever so much tighter each time she repeated the motion. Her body moving involuntarily now, as if automatically knowing exactly what to do.

Rhoda covered her lips, their mouths open, wide, hungry against the other.

"What do you mean, Mare?" Rhoda was breathless, voice raspy.

"Oh, Rhoda, I moved to New York and came to find you…and you….oh God," Mary bit the side of her thumb. "Rhoda, I need – please…"

"Are you sure?" Rhoda looked down at her.

Mary nodded, "yes, please." A tear trickled out the corner of her eye, down her cheek. "Please."

Rhoda leaned down and kissed Mary, the hand which had cupped Mary's breast sliding downwards, over Mary's taut stomach, heading towards the band of her underwear. Those gorgeous fingers slid downwards, slipping over Mary's exposed center.

Mary breathed a sigh of contentment, of relief upon first contact. Rhoda's fingers, so agile and gentle moved knowledgeably over Mary's arousal.

"Jesus, Mare." Rhoda sighed.

Mary wondered if she should feel embarrassed by how turned on she was in that moment, but Rhoda seemed to be in awe of it, completely enthralled by her.

"So fucking gorgeous, kid." Rhoda pressed their lips together.

Mary laughed, shakily. "Rho-Rhoda. I came – for you." Mary had to take a deep breath, hardly able to concentrate on the matter at hand and what Rhoda was doing to her. "I came to New York for you and you were engaged to Jean-Pierre and I _really_ , _really_ hated him. I – I got so mad at your wedding. How could you possibly have married him after…after what…I saw…he was an asshole to you. He was unworthy of you."

Rhoda didn't respond. She was breathless, flustered from what she was doing. A look of anguish darkening her brow.

"You never…you never think you're worth having anything good, do you?" Mary whispered then.

Rhoda looked agitated then and Mary, suddenly worried that Rhoda might stop, might pull away, held her closer yet.

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Rhoda's motions stilled against Mary, exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Yes, Rhoda…yes," Mary held her there so that she couldn't move.

"Well, I don't know what you want me to say." Rhoda hissed, feelings hurt, uncertain. "You were practically engaged to Steven then. It wasn't like I knew you wanted something more than to be my friend."

"He didn't deserve you, though!" Mary wanted to shake her.

"I wasn't going to be happy with anyone else because I was in love with you, Mary. No one else mattered." Rhoda contracted into herself. She had never been good at being vulnerable, not without some sort of added humor, but tonight felt real – humorless.

"Oh," Mary gasped, "oh, Rhoda." Mary pulled her back, their bodies falling into one another, exhausted. "Why did it take us so long?"

"We're here now." Rhoda offered, pressing her lips into the crown of Mary's head.

Mary hummed against Rhoda's neck, her body still throbbing, her want consuming her. Rhoda's fingers returned to her wordlessly. Mary sighed.

"This is okay?" Rhoda asked.

"Mm-hmm. Mmmm." Mary smiled, pulling their lips lazily together, relaxing against Rhoda's hand. "Rhoda, why did you - " Mary's voice was cut off when Rhoda slid her finger inside of her and covered her lips with her own. She gasped in surprise, caught off guard by both actions.

"Mare, please...please can we just..."

Mary could only nod, could only grasp onto Rhoda tighter, holding her close as Rhoda's fingers worked knowledgeably. How did she know just exactly what Mary needed? Mary delighted in the weight of Rhoda's body as it shifted there on top of her. Rhoda was passionate in her kisses, passionate in how she gave Mary all that had been lacking in her marriage, in all her prior relationships.

Oh, if she could rewind back, take back all those years, all those days, hours, minutes after having met Rhoda Morgenstern that they hadn't done just this...what she wouldn't give for all of that time. "Ah - oh, Rho - Rho..." Mary was gasping, her body slick with sweat and desire. She felt herself coming towards the edge, her body tense, in desperate need of a release.

"It's okay, Mare." Rhoda brushed kisses against Mary's cheek, forehead, willing her to give in, to succumb to her. "I've got you, darling." Rhoda's voice was so sweet, swirling about in the air between them. Mary could hear the love in her tone, the want that had always been there. For hadn't it?

"Rho-oh!" Mary tumbled, fell over the edge, eyes closing in ecstasy, in complete and utter happiness at what they had just done. It felt so perfect, so right, so natural that they should touch in such a way, that Rhoda should give her this.

Rhoda was pressing gentle kisses to her cheeks, trailing down her neck, the top of her chest, before she rolled onto her back, collapsing, exhausted on the sheets there beside Mary.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Mary turned onto her side, arm going about Rhoda, holding her there close to her.

Rhoda rubbed her forehead, biting briefly at her fingers before moving her hand to run lazy patterns against Mary's arm. Mary could sense that she was uneasy. Mary also realized then that she had always been so aware of all of Rhoda's moods.

"Okay," Rhoda sighed finally.

"What?" Mary glanced up at her, their eyes meeting.

"Well you were giving me the third degree earlier so we might as well have it out. You can continue to play the blame game. I ran away. I hid in my marriages, I did everything wrong."

"Rhoda, that's not..." Mary sat up on her elbow, turning so that she could better face Rhoda. "I wasn't blaming you at all. I'm equally to blame, if there has to be blame at all." She sighed lifting Rhoda's hand to her lips. She could taste herself there as she kissed Rhoda's fingers. Her legs shifted together. "I just want to understand it, I don't...I don't understand how we didn't know."

Rhoda laughed, "you didn't know, kid. I knew. Boy did I know!"

"You should have said!"

"You would have gone running for the hills. Rhoda Morgenstern, your eccentric Jewish neighbor also a big ol'lesbian...nah, Mare. You would have rather died than be caught dead with me."

"That's not true. I really loved you. You were my best…my dearest friend."

"Mare," Rhoda shifted so that she could kiss Mary, "I don't think you - we - could have handled it. Maybe we needed all of this time to put it together."

Mary considered this. In her thirties, it was true, she had been laser focused on meeting a man and settling down. Then she had been focused on moving up in the television production world. Could she picture it? Being thirty-two and secretly with Rhoda? They had barely been able to stand one another the few nights they had been forced to share Mary's apartment. And why had Mary been so annoyed with Rhoda? Apart from her lack of cleaning etiquette, she'd had no reason.

Had this been the reason for the tension that had always rested between them?

But then why...why wouldn't Rhoda have come to Mary after the dissolution of her marriage?

"Why did you sleep with Louise?" Mary bowed her head, nuzzling her forehead against Rhoda's chest, pulling her body possessively closer.

Rhoda sighed, her body tensing there beneath Mary's. Mary kissed her chest. Waiting for the explanation. For it felt as if she could understand Rhoda's marriages to the two men, but to have slept with a woman, any other woman besides Mary...it hurt.

"You really need to know?"

"Yes, yes. I do." Mary looked up then, fear clutching at her stomach.

Rhoda covered her face with both of her hands. "I did it because...well how was I to know that we would reconcile, that you'd feel the same way? I was...I was having a mid-life crisis, if you can call it that, and I felt like I'd missed out and then Louise appeared and...oh, Mare." Rhoda looked then at her, tears in her eyes. "Mary, I wanted it to have been you but I didn't know. How was I supposed to..."

Mary felt herself propelled forward, to wrap herself up in Rhoda, to press their lips together feverishly. It should have been, but Rhoda had done what she thought best, had dared to do something about her desires. But she still could have talked to Mary. Mary wished that she had talked to her, had come to her.

But she'd been married to Steven...it wouldn't have been fair. "Oh, Rhoda, I'm so sorry. I wish we could have..."

"Yeah, but would it have really changed anything?" Rhoda held Mary's face there above her head, staring into her eyes.

Mary fought back her tears as she saw the sadness, the fear that darkened Rhoda's eyes. "No, no." Mary kissed her, feeling guilty knowing that had Steven been alive still this may never have happened. She may have gone on never knowing, never fully understanding how wonderful, how magnificent Rhoda was.

"It's the past, Mare." Rhoda threaded her fingers into Mary's hair, fingers scratching pleasurably against her scalp. "Can we leave it there?"

Mary nodded, "yes."

"We're here now. We're...oh, Mare. We are here, aren't we?"

"Yes, oh Rhoda! Of course." Mary peered then again at Rhoda. She realized the fear in her gaze was her fear about their current predicament. For there they were, past midnight, past their primes, past middle-age, laying in one another's arms, sweaty, contented, pleasantly sexed. "Oh Rhoda...you don't think...this isn't just a one night thing for me. You have to...you didn't think..."

Rhoda shrugged, looking away from Mary.

"Isn't it, Rhoda?" Mary felt panic rise in her chest.

"Mary," Rhoda's arms closed tighter about her. "Of course, kid. It just scares me, is all." Rhoda laughed then. "You thought I had grown up, had gotten more confident but here I am, a blubbering mess." Rhoda shook her head and kissed Mary's damp cheek, wrapping her arms tighter about Mary. Mary, relieved by this knowledge that her feelings were reciprocated, rested her head against Rhoda's chest, listening contentedly to the beat of her heart there beneath her ribs. "You know things never have a way of working out for me so why should I hope - "

"Because I love you, you idiot." Mary clung tighter.

Her eyes came to rest on the wall. A streak of morning's sunbeams cut through the blinds. How long had they been here? Where had the night gone? She never wanted it to end. She felt like she was slowly losing something, something slipping from her grasp. Something intangible, so she held on tighter, not wanting it to go away, to vanish.

"What do we do now?" Rhoda asked, fingers swirling over Mary's back in nonsensical patterns. It was as if Rhoda couldn't get enough of being near her, touching her. Mary wanted more, wanted to feel their bodies meld into one. Nothing felt close enough.

"We love one another like we always should have. We take it a day at a time. We enjoy being together." Mary offered.

"And this..." Rhoda's voice was shy in the morning air.

Mary laughed, looking up to kiss Rhoda's neck. "Will happen again and again and again. I certainly hope."

Rhoda smiled down at Mary. God, Mary loved that smile, loved when she looked genuinely happy. They kissed, slow, leisurely, exhaustedly.

"Mary, it's nearly six." Rhoda was pushing lightly at her, Mary's lips busy making pleasurable work of discovering every inch of Rhoda in the morning light.

"Rhoda," Mary groaned, looked up at her from her wondrous spot between Rhoda's breasts. Mary had never realized how wonderful the female breast was until this very moment. They were so soft, so luscious there beneath Rhoda's nightgown, nipples taught against Mary's hands. God, she was going to spend the rest of her life worshipping these breasts and she had not even yet properly seen them. "Rhoda," Mary leaned back against her elbow looking up at her bedmate. "I can't move. I actually don't think I can move. "

"Mare..." Rhoda looked concerned.

"No, I _can_ move, but I don't think…oh," Mary bowed her head, pressing a kiss to Rhoda's side, "I can't. I just don't think I can leave you today, I don't think I can make it through work without…oh, it's embarrassing really. I've never…it's never been like this."

Rhoda was laughing, lightly, but she was laughing at Mary. "Oh, kid. Oh, Mare." Rhoda wrapped her up in her arms again. "I understand, I feel...similarly."

"Let's play hooky. I'm going to call in sick." Mary pressed her lips to Rhoda's neck.

"Yeah, okay." Rhoda conceded without a fight. Mary could sense that she had been exhausted from work recently, and if anything, she deserved a day off. Mary was doing her a favor really. And even if she had insisted on still going to work Mary would have gone with her.

God, what was happening to her? She couldn't get enough, could not bear the thought of being away from Rhoda for even a moment. She felt lusty towards her counterpart, a deep lust that now that it had surfaced was not going anywhere any time soon.

"We're not leaving this bed for any reason today." Mary practically pinned Rhoda there beneath her, kissing her collarbone.

Rhoda laughed again, "I think that sounds really wonderful, Mare, real ideal. And I whole-heartedly agree with you, but I think I gotta pee and I might need some coffee…and maybe a cigarette." Rhoda grinned.

Mary frowned up at her, for Rhoda didn't smoke, had never smoked in the whole time she'd known her anyway. Had she? But no…

"I'm kidding, Mare." Rhoda laughed, noticing the parental concern there on Mary's brow. "But not about the peeing. And the coffee."

Mary grinned, pressing their lips together. "I'll start the coffee, meet you back here?"

Rhoda pulled Mary to her, tightly, protectively, kissing her with a renewed passion in the early morning hour. "Yes, yes. I'll be here."

It was a day of exploration, of getting to know one another in new and exciting ways. Mary learned so much, learned where Rhoda liked most to be touched, the way she enjoyed being held, kissed. She mapped out every inch of the other woman, knew her almost more intimately than she even knew herself – down to the little freckle on Rhoda's pinky toe.

There was a comfort, an inexplicable comfort wrapped up in the bed. Even as they had ventured into the kitchen for brief bouts of grazing and refreshments they had shared an intimate closeness.

As they lay now, resting atop Rhoda's bed, Mary's head on Rhoda's stomach, Rhoda's fingers in her hair, Mary felt content, whole.

"Mare?" Rhoda gazed up to the ceiling.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we should…you know, go on a date or something?"

Mary laughed, rolling onto her side to look into green eyes. "You mean…like to dinner and a movie or something?"

Rhoda shrugged, "yeah, sure. Like that."

"Tonight?"

Rhoda shrugged again. "Sure, why not?"

"Think I'll get lucky afterwards?" Mary grinned devilishly up at Rhoda.

"If you play your cards right…maybe." Rhoda non-committedly shrugged.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." Mary announced as Rhoda rolled away from her. "Hey, where are you going?"

"To get the newspaper to check out movie times. I think there's a Robert Redford film playing at the Film Forum."

"Oh, Rhoda…" Mary groaned.

"What?" Rhoda turned to face her as she pulled her robe about herself. "Com'on Mare. You can't be jealous of Robert Redford."

"I can if I want to be." Mary crossed her arms over her bare chest.

Rhoda cracked a smile. "Oh, Mare. Mary." She moved towards her then, cupping her cheek in the palm of her hand, smiling down at Mary. "I don't want to sleep with him, I just enjoy watching him. You know, when he was younger. Oh, Mary. I had no idea you could be so jealous of me, me Rhoda Morgenstern!"

"I'm not…jealous…not really."

"Uh huh, and what would you call not wanting to see a Robert Redford movie with me then?"

"Isn't there anything else we could see?" Mary grinned.

"Oh, Mare. Why don't you figure out where you're taking me for dinner?" Rhoda kissed her on the cheek and then turned to leave the room.

Mary couldn't understand it. Could not fathom this jealousy that welled up inside of her. She had never experienced this, this protective, possessive pull towards anyone. Steven had always been her protector. He had always taken care of everything. But now here she was with another woman. An equal. And Mary felt as if she wanted to take on the role of protector, to be guardian to Rhoda. It felt so natural that they might interact in such a way. Rhoda was strong, capable, but now with her Mary wanted to give her all that she had never had before, all that she deserved.

Though for as comfortable and sorted out as all had been during the day in bed, it all felt tremendously different out in broad daylight.

Mary became aware of Rhoda's body there beside her as they walked. If they happened to brush hands as they meandered down Columbus Avenue, if they happened to draw too close to one another, she felt a jolt of electricity course through her body. Could everyone see what they had become? Was everyone else aware of how Mary now felt by the flush of her cheeks when Rhoda looped her arm through her own? When Mary held the door to the restaurant open for Rhoda, had it been too obvious?

When they were shown to a booth Mary hesitated. She stood, unmoving, at the edge of the table, watching as Rhoda slid easily into one side of the table.

"Is there something wrong with the table, ma'am?" The host asked, noticing her hesitation.

"No, no sir. I just…uh," Mary glanced apprehensively at Rhoda, wanting more than anything to sit there beside her, to feel their thighs pressed together, to hold her hand beneath the table.

Instead she took the other side of the booth.

"What was that all about?" Rhoda asked as she peered at her menu.

Mary felt her cheeks flush. "Nothing."

Rhoda peered at her curiously, not believing her. "If you want to sit next to me you can."

Mary glanced about the dimly lit restaurant, feeling as if all eyes were on her and her sweaty palms. Instead, she found that hardly anyone was paying attention to them. In fact, no one was even giving them a second glance. They were an anonymous couple in New York City and if Mary wanted to sit there beside Rhoda she very well could have.

Though when her eyes returned to the creature there across from her, met curious, dark eyes, she found she quite enjoyed the view. The way in which Rhoda's hair had been swept up into a French twist, revealing all of Rhoda's beautiful face for her to look at, her bare neck to be exposed so that Mary had a fantasy of what she might like to do to Rhoda later… "No, no." Mary picked up her napkin and laid it across her lap. "I like the view from over here."

Rhoda blushed.

They ordered, their feet brushing purposefully beneath the table. "Is this what it was like?" Mary found herself asking, watching as Rhoda stroked her neck absently.

"Like what was like?" Rhoda rested her hands then atop the table.

"With Louise?" Mary's fingers moved forward, daring to entrap Rhoda's pointer finger there between her own pointer and middle finger.

"Oh, Mary. Would you drop it?" Rhoda slunk back in her seat, though their fingers did not part. She lifted her free hand and swept it, agitated over her forehead. "I mean," leaning forward again she captured Mary's hand in her own, unafraid, not timid at all. "If you would like to know I'm willing to tell you anything, you know that, Mare. But you don't have to be worried about her or…or about anyone else. I've never felt like this with anyone, kid. Don't make me get sentimental now…but you…you know, it was only a pleasant experience, a nice…I don't know…introduction, if you will. But she's got nothing on you, Mare."

Mary could not make eye contact with Rhoda just then, for her emotions had grasped at her throat. She could only stare at the way their hands moved together over the top of the table, how free and unabashed they were acting in public. Mary realized then how much she loved it, this ease she felt with Rhoda. Ease and yet nerves.

Their hands jumped apart when their dinner was served. They ate heartily, their conversation flowing comfortably then, the nerves settling with each passing second, so that by the time they left Mary had her arm about Rhoda, leading her to the door.

The movie was, perhaps, even better than dinner. For Mary realized that there was no other option but to sit right beside one another. They found themselves enmeshed in the middle of the dimly lit room, popcorn and snacks galore, yet their bodies leaned into one another, shoulders touching. Mary would gaze briefly at Rhoda each time Robert Redford did something on screen and Rhoda would always half-smile and then gaze back, rolling her eyes at Mary.

It was sometime during the middle of the movie – for if anyone had asked Mary to recount what the movie had been about she would certainly have no earthly idea what to say for she was lost on observations of Rhoda – that Rhoda reached out and took Mary's hand in her own. Her fingers slid effortlessly there between Mary's fingers and they held onto one another, Mary's heart pounding, chest contracting as if she were a teenager again. There was a release, a relief that she felt as Rhoda moved impossibly closer to her, stroked the back of her hand absently with her thumb. The feeling of it put Mary on edge, made her long for other things that Rhoda could do with those amazing fingers.

It was almost a relief when the lights came up and they filed out of the theatre. They climbed onto the 1 train to head back uptown, Rhoda recounting her favorite parts of the film while Mary hazily nodded in agreement, wondering what it might be like to take Rhoda's hand there on the subway, wondering what it would be like to kiss her right there in public with everyone on the subway pretending not to watch, to see.

It was not until they were safely inside of Mary's apartment again, however, that Mary found herself pulling Rhoda towards her, needing a release that the past few hours had not offered her.

Rhoda laughed, responding in kind as their lips met together.

"Rhoda?" Mary panted through kisses, her hands searching, finding skin.

"Yeah, kid?" Rhoda answered, breathless.

"Are you going to think about Robert Redford?"

Rhoda was laughing, practically dying there, falling back against the hallway wall – the wall where it had all begun only the day before – or had it been that very same day? It all seemed a blur, a wonderful, magical blur. Mary wanted this moment to extend on forever, to be caught like this with Rhoda forever.

"Take me to bed, you crazy kid." Rhoda demanded and Mary obeyed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Coming home in the evenings was a different sensation, a bursting in her chest, an excitement she had never known before now. She supposed there had been a thrill in the past in Minneapolis when she would get home late from WJM and could then expect Rhoda to pop in, as if she'd been waiting for Mary's return. And there had been a delight in that, but now...now it was more, so much more.

"Rhoda," Mary breezily hummed, content to find the lights on, Rhoda's fragrant Parisian perfume swirling about her head, wrapping her up in welcome before the woman had even appeared.

"In the kitchen, kid." Rhoda's joyous voice reached out, beckoned her closer.

"You have some letters." Mary announced as she shuffled through the pile of mail. She took note of the Parisian addresses, one bearing the green medical cross of Europe.

"Oh yeah?" Rhoda appeared in an apron, eyes alight upon seeing Mary there in the foyer.

"What is this?" Mary extended her hand forward with the envelope.

Rhoda glanced briefly at the envelope and then pulled Mary to her, pressing their lips together, and they kissed as if they could never get enough of the other. "How am I to know?" She spoke through kisses, the letter pulled from Mary's hand, forgotten. "God, I missed you today, Mare."

"Hmm," was Mary's only response. The only thing she could think to say.

Rhoda's hand found its way there between her shirt and skirt, ghosting over skin, setting her nerves on end.

"Rho...oh, cut it out, would you? The girls will be...here. Soon." Mary disappointedly contended.

Rhoda chuckled against Mary's neck, pulling away from her reluctantly. She took Mary's coat and purse from her, steadying her as she slid out of her heels. "What are you making? It smells delicious."

"Vegetable stew. Seemed appropriate for this weather." Rhoda grinned as they kissed again, "oh, Mare!" Rhoda grabbed at her before she could escape to change.

"Yeah?" Mary looked into her eyes, noticing then that something was troubling her.

"Well, see...I wanted to talk about tonight. About the girls, well at least about my girl. I don't think...oh, Mare," Rhoda cupped her cheek, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't think we should say anything. At least not yet. I'm not ashamed about it, not at all so please don't think that, but you know how Meredith has been since I got here and I don't think...well I just don't want her to think I've really gone off the deep end. Not yet, see."

Mary nodded, wondering then what a night of hiding her affections for Rhoda would entail. For the past week they'd barely been able to pass without touching and now Rhoda was asking her to keep quiet, mum to the whole thing. "I...I understand. I think we should give it some time, give the girls some more time."

"Oh good, oh thank you, Mare." Rhoda pressed their lips together. "I knew you would understand. I'm not ashamed, you know that, right? I just have to think of Meredith."

Mary clasped her hand, "I understand. Not a word. Not tonight."

Rhoda smiled at her, "thank you."

They both heard the buzzer sound behind them, startling both. "I have to go change. Buzz them up." Mary smiled and pulled Rhoda in to kiss her one last time, smoothing out her hair and running a finger over her lips to smooth over her smeared lipstick. "Love you."

"You, too, Mare." Rhoda grinned and then shooed her to her room to change so that they could face their daughters, face them while hiding what they had become.

Mary emerged refreshed and more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. Rhoda was happily speaking with Rose in the living room, their conversation light, full of laughter. Mary marveled at the fact that Rose had so easily taken to Rhoda and vice versa. The pair were so similar, despite their lack of blood relation.

"You really think I could pull off a joke like that?"

"Sure, kid. Why not? Just make sure your mother isn't around to hear it." Rhoda laughed.

"Hear what?" Mary made her presence known.

"Oh, nothing, Mare. I was just giving your daughter a few stand-up pointers." Rhoda pulled her hand nervously through her hair, reaching for Mary before remembering what they had agreed to. The reach morphed into Rhoda lightly touching Mary's sides before retracting her hands away from Mary's person.

"Uh, well, nothing too inappropriate. I hope." Mary twisted into herself, suddenly uncertain as to what her body should be doing. Probably normally she would have sat there on the arm of the chair by Rhoda, but now she second guessed herself and settled into the couch away from Rhoda. She glanced up to see Rose staring at her curiously, Rhoda rubbing at her forehead.

"Mom, you know what? You look really happy." Rose smiled then at her, a curious glimmer there in her eye.

"Uh, oh. Thank you." Mary smiled politely, not divulging any more than need be.

"Where is Meredith?" Rhoda impatiently glanced down at her watch.

"I'm sure she'll be here any minute." Mary smiled, her cheeks hurting from all of her forced smiling.

"Okay, you're acting really weird, mom. What is going -"

The buzzer rang announcing Meredith's arrival. What was that show called? Ah yes, "Saved by the Bell". That was exactly what had just happened.

Rhoda moved to the door to buzz her daughter up and Mary could see in her brief gaze just how nervous she was. They were doing a terrible job of hiding, Mary could sense it.

"Ma!" Meredith exclaimed as soon as the door flung open. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I had a horrible, horrible day." She allowed Rhoda to pull her into a hug and then seemed to recognize Mary and Rose. "Hello there." She waved as she removed her scarf.

"What happened?" Rhoda gushed over her daughter and Mary could tell she was glad for this outburst, this change of subject, her daughter's distracted state.

"Oh, I had a horrible day of exams and I think I failed my lab. I couldn't find the spleen; can you believe it? I mean who can't find the spleen? And I want to be a famous surgeon and I can't even find the Goddamn spleen." Meredith raked her hands through her hair.

"Hey, hey. Calm down, sweetie." Rhoda pulled her into her again.

"Ma, please. I'm not a little kid anymore. It's just...it's one bad day." Meredith pushed at Rhoda.

"Okay, alright." Rhoda stepped back, holding up her hands in surrender.

"I'm going to the patio for a smoke before dinner."

"Oh, Mere, do you have to?" Rhoda's brow creased and Mary instinctively wanted to pull her to her and chastise Meredith for all she put her mother through.

"Ma, please." Meredith rolled her eyes, politely excusing herself from the room then.

"We'll be waiting at the dinner table for you." Rhoda called after her.

Mary felt her own brow knit in sympathy as Rhoda met her eyes then. "I mean the girl wants to be a doctor. You would think she'd be smarter than that." Rhoda sighed, anxiously rubbing at her forehead.

"Rhoda, can I help you set the table?" Rose bounced up from her seat, wrapping her arm around Rhoda. God, Mary loved her daughter. What a great girl.

"Sure, kid." Rhoda absently patted Rose's hand where it rested on her arm. "Ah, you're such a good kid. Mary's lucky to have you." Rhoda smiled wearily.

It hurt Mary's heart that Rhoda should have to put up with her daughter's antics the way she did. It made Mary want to hit the girl over the head until she realized how lucky she was to have such a wonderful mother. Rhoda had mentioned a few things about Meredith, how she, for some reason, blamed Rhoda for the dissolution of her marriage to Jean-Pierre. Though Mary couldn't fathom it. Couldn't the girl see that Rhoda had been drowning in the marriage? Forgotten, cast to the side, unloved? If Mary had known, oh, if she had only known how horrible things had gotten….

Oh, who was she kidding. She hadn't had the nerve to butt in. That had been made apparent at Rhoda's wedding.

Wanting for things to be better now, Mary followed Meredith to the patio, the unfamiliar scent of smoke swirling about her. She pulled her cardigan tighter against the bitter Northern wind.

"Ma, I want…oh," Meredith turned, finding Mary there instead of her mother.

"I hope you don't mind if I join you."

"No, not at all." Meredith turned back to the ledge, staring out across Central Park.

Mary moved beside her on the balcony, leaning over the edge. She stared down at the street far, far below her, at the tiny people as they came and went about their evening. "It's none of my business, really, but I…well, I wish you would cut her some slack."

"What do you mean?" Meredith turned to face Mary.

"I mean, since she's gotten back to the city she's been trying to be there for you and you keep pushing her away. And I, well, frankly I don't understand it."

"That's just it, though." Meredith exhaled a cloud of smoke. " _Since_ getting back to the city. What about when she was running around Europe being a nomad and I had no idea where she was, what she was doing."

Mary breathed, leaning forward on the rails. "Meredith, you can't keep punishing her." She didn't want to overstep her boundaries, but she had to get Meredith to understand, she really wanted her to understand. "What happened between your parents had nothing to do with you."

"I know that." Meredith coldly retorted.

"Well, then you can't be upset with your mother for exerting her independence. She needed to do what she did and it didn't detract from her love for you."

Meredith sighed, rubbing at her forehead, just as her mother did. Mary found the action endearing. "I know." She conceded. "I know. I've just been really stressed out. Finals are all-consuming and I…" She turned to face Mary, "I don't mean to hurt her feelings. Have I been really awful?"

Mary started to shake her head no, but then nodded yes. "I think it would be nice for you to let her know that you're not mad with her."

Meredith butted out her cigarette against the brick of Mary's building. She turned and nodded, giving Mary a slight smile. "I'm glad she has a friend like you."

Mary smiled, laughing to herself. _Friend_. Yes, if only Meredith knew how far the definition of that word now extended.

"Come on, let's join the girls for dinner."

Meredith nodded, following Mary back into the warmth of the apartment.

Rhoda closed the door behind the girls, leaning up against its sturdy frame.

Mary felt the tired, sleepy pull that had made her drowsy after dinner start to fade away as she met Rhoda's contented gaze. She watched as a smile curled its way across Rhoda's lips, the rise and fall of her chest there as she stood pressed up against the wall. "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Rhoda threaded her fingers through her hair.

Mary moved towards Rhoda, "no." She came to a halt right before her, their bodies pressed pleasantly together. She had missed Rhoda, missed the way she felt, how soft she was, how warm, how she smelled there on her neck. Mary pressed their lips together, a thrill going through her at the thought that they could do this freely now that the girls were gone. God, how had she missed Rhoda so much when it had only been a few hours? She was like a drug, Mary was addicted to her.

"What'd you say to Meredith?" Rhoda smiled against her lips, her arms wrapping about Mary as Mary pressed her up there against the door. It felt somewhat risky to know that their daughters were still so near to them, probably only on the elevator at best. What if they were to come back….

"Oh, I just…" Mary's hand slid up beneath Rhoda's shirt, needing to feel closer, to feel Rhoda's warm skin, the swell of her breast, the pert nipple that had risen to the occasion there beneath her bra. "I just checked in with her. Made sure she was okay."

"Well, we had a nice conversation after dinner." Rhoda inhaled a shaky breath. "So…so thank you for whatever you said."

"You're welcome." Mary grinned mischievously, her hand trailing downwards to slide there into Rhoda's pants.

"Oh, you're insatiable." Rhoda laughed, her head pressing back against the door as Mary's hand came to rest between her legs. She was so warm, so soft. Mary loved to touch her here, to know that only she was now allowed to do so. Who would have thought, who would have known that Mary could love this so much? Touching Rhoda here. Touching Rhoda at all.

"I've been waiting all night to do this." Mary whispered against Rhoda's ear, moving her hair to the side so that she could press her lips to the younger woman's neck.

Rhoda sighed, "oh." And she was gone, lost to Mary's fingers and Mary's kisses, Mary delighting in all of it, all she could do for this woman whom she loved more than she had ever thought possible.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"…please call us back as soon as you can. There's nothing to be concerned about, we just want to ensure that you get in as soon as possible. We look forward to your call, Mrs. Rousseau." Rhoda was hitting the delete button as Mary stepped into the apartment, catching the tail end of the message. She must have arrived only moments before Mary for she was still wrapped up in her winter coat and scarf and hat.

Rhoda looked up, a look of flustered surprise crossing her features. She seemed thrown off by Mary's early arrival home, having not expected her to walk in at that exact moment.

They exchanged an uncomfortable look between them. What had gotten Rhoda so flustered?

"It's strange," Mary removed her scarf, "hearing them refer to you as Mrs. Rousseau."

Rhoda laughed a little then, ease flowing back into her features. "Yes, I guess I'll need to get my insurance information changed back to Morgenstern. Probably why they were calling anyway."

"Mmm," Mary hummed as she removed her coat, sliding an arm about Rhoda to pull her towards her. They kissed, Rhoda's lips still cold from the frigid New York day. "Are you sure you shouldn't call back? It sounds important."

Rhoda laughed, easing herself from Mary's grasp. "I'm sure it's nothing." She smiled, Mary refusing to let her go so that she stayed half in her embrace. Mary was not so sure of this response though.

"Rho."

Rhoda rolled her eyes, pressing out of Mary's arms then to remove her coat. "Yeah, yeah, kid. I'll call them tomorrow. Okay? Find out why they're harassing me every five seconds with letters and calls."

"There's been more?" Mary's eyes widened.

Rhoda waved her hand. "I'm sure they just need updated information, you know since the divorce was finalized and I'm back in the United States. I'm not really even sure how it's going to work now." Rhoda rubbed her forehead, as if talking about it all did her head in.

"Well, Rhoda, if you need insurance I'm sure I could carry you at work. There has to be some kind of partner benefits. I could ask about it tomorrow."

Rhoda laughed, "like a spouse? But we can't even get married."

Mary felt her stomach sink at the thought, at the realization that what Rhoda was saying was true. They could not marry, might never be able to marry, and yet the past few weeks, months, years had felt more a marriage than anything Mary had ever experienced before in her life. "Well that is really crummy, isn't it?"

"Oh, hey kid. I didn't mean to depress you about it." Rhoda seemed to read Mary's mind.

"Well I hadn't even thought about it until now, but that is really shitty." Mary wrapped her arms about Rhoda's waist, pulling her close. "Really shitty because I'd marry you in a heartbeat."

"Aww, Mare." Rhoda looked touched by the sentiment. "Ah, kid." She leaned forward, pressing her lips to Mary's, kissing her. "I'd marry you, too."

"Yeah?" Mary pulled back, running her fingers through Rhoda's hair, delighting in the feeling of the soft strands.

"Sure." Rhoda nodded, "if we could."

"Well, then, would you take my last name?"

"Uh, Rhoda Richards? It doesn't seem to have a very good ring to it." Rhoda laughed.

"Mary Morgenstern doesn't sound right, either." Mary frowned, kissing Rhoda again. "Hey."

"Yeah?" Rhoda held Mary close to her, standing there in their living room as if they couldn't move, couldn't part from one another.

"How about I get you on my insurance and we'll call it our own little wedding?"

"Well, if you think you can do it…I'll expect a ring though. A really, really expensive ring." Rhoda grinned, that infectious look crossing her features. Mary loved when she joked, when she had some sarcastic or witty comeback to whatever it was she had said. She loved the look Rhoda got, the smugness of it all.

"Oh yes, with the millions of dollars Steven left for me I shall buy the most expensive ring and propose to you."

"You kind of already did, kid." Rhoda shrugged.

"I did, didn't I?" Mary held Rhoda closer, pulling her tight. "Does this make us married?"

Rhoda considered this for a moment and then shrugged, "at least engaged. Until you get a proper ring, see. Gotta keep my options open."

Mary laughed, pulling her in for a final kiss. "Hey, why don't we order in tonight?"

"Sounds perfect to me. What about that little Thai place we liked last time?"

Mary grinned, happy to spend another evening with Rhoda beside her, nearly in marital bliss. They had joked about getting married before, though this conversation had felt more serious than the last few. It felt somehow final, finite, as if they could will it into being now. God, how she loved Rhoda.

The little devious thought that had been swirling around in the back of her mind surfaced then as Rhoda went to dial the take-out number.

Mary retreated to her room to change – just about the only thing she did in her room anymore, for she had nearly permanently taken up residence in Rhoda's little haven. It made no sense, for Mary had the larger room, the larger bed even. But there was something about the room that made her uneasy, made her feel as if she and Rhoda didn't belong in it, that it wasn't meant for them. So they cuddled up in her daughter's old room, now converted to Rhoda's room. And Rhoda inhabited every inch of the space and Mary loved it. Loved waking up to Rhoda's potted plants surrounding the window, to the colorful wall decorations, the luscious purple duvet, the woman herself curled up in her arms. Oh, she loved everything about Rhoda, everything she had brought into her life.

Which led her to want to do so much with Rhoda, so much more than she had ever dared to imagine doing with Steven. Rhoda made her want to extend herself, to try new things. And tonight, there was one thing in particular she wanted to try, something she'd been thinking about quite frequently, meditating on when work was slow, dull. It was wrong, for she always felt a little uneasy, a little on edge when she'd think of it, though she couldn't get it out of her head.

Mary returned to Rhoda's room, standing there in the doorway, watching as the younger woman moved about, watched as she removed her pants, her shirt, her bra. Rhoda didn't necessarily like being watched, felt a little subconscious about it, in fact, but Mary loved the watching. Occasionally Rhoda would indulge her, as she was this evening.

"What are you thinking about?" Rhoda looked up from changing into her comfortable nightgown, the one that Mary found irresistible.

"How gorgeous you are." Mary moved forward then, wrapping her arm about Rhoda, palming one breast for she couldn't resist once she'd seen them lain bare for her.

"You're quite something, you know." Rhoda grinned, turning in Mary's embrace.

"I do." Mary laughed, nuzzling her head in the crook of Rhoda's neck, kissing her collarbone. "I, uh,…" how to ask?

"Yes?" Rhoda waited, patiently for Mary to speak her mind, for she had to know that something was running through Mary's head, occupying her thoughts.

"It's silly really, but I…"

"What? It won't be silly. I won't laugh, I promise." Rhoda playfully crossed her heart.

Mary laughed. "You have to promise."

"I won't!" Rhoda insisted.

Mary looked down at the floor, stubbing her toe into the carpet. "I thought that maybe…well, see I've been thinking a lot about it and I…I want to…oh, it's silly."

"Mare," Rhoda looked near impatient, wanting for her to spit it out.

"Could we watch that…uh, adult film…you were…"

Rhoda's eyes went a little wide before her lips lifted into a big, knowing smile. "Mary Richards, my own little voyeur. Aren't you? I should have known it the way you like to watch me changing, showering, doing almost anything."

Mary felt mortified then. Was it so weird? Was she strange for wanting this…

"Oh, Mare." Rhoda was laughing at her. After promising she wouldn't, she was laughing. "Mare, I'm not laughing at you. Oh, kid, of course we could watch that porno together. Why not? It'd be fun."

"Stop laughing about it." Mary wanted to stamp her foot, her cheeks bright red.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Really!" Rhoda kept laughing, as if unable to stop. She laughed as she tried to wrap her arms about Mary and Mary pushed at her, fighting her off until they finally fell in a messy pile atop the bed, their lips finding one another, fight morphing into fun, into passionate kisses. Kisses that were only interrupted by the delivery guy buzzing up to the apartment.

Purposefully watching pornography was not necessarily something Mary had ever enjoyed, nor had gone out of the way to do. But here, seated beside Rhoda – Rhoda Morgenstern, her somewhat innocent seeming old neighbor turned friend turned lover and roommate – the pornography was something else entirely. It still felt somewhat naughty, raunchy, incorrect. To see two women with their bodies pressed up together, lain bare to the world to see, on display…to see mirrored back to Mary what she and Rhoda had only just begun to do together. But it held a new meaning to Mary, made her mind, her body race with unexpected thoughts and feelings.

Though this was different from what she and Rhoda did, of course. Now that Mary was paying attention she could see what it lacked: the real, true connection between the two actresses – for that was what they were, merely acting as if they were interested in one another. But Mary could sense there was still a passion between them, the way one pulled the other's hair, the way the other manipulated and moved the other's body. It was a little rough, a little unlike how tender and gentle Rhoda was with Mary, but there was a sexiness to it. The way the women went for it, the way nothing was out of bounds.

Mary shifted in her seat, discomfort flooding her senses. Rhoda felt too far away from her on the couch. She wanted her to be closer. She needed her to be closer, but she wasn't exactly sure how to ask.

Glancing over briefly she met Rhoda's curious gaze. Rhoda's eyes had been fixed upon her and not on the screen at all. Mary paused, a little taken aback by what she saw reflected in those orbs.

Rhoda appeared to read her mind, as if they no longer needed to speak to communicate. She shifted somewhat closer, pressing her lips to Mary's cheek, taking her hand in her own.

But Mary needed more than that. The moans coming from the television had set her on edge, done her in. Rhoda's hand slid beneath Mary's shirt, trailing upwards until she could reach her breast. Mary's tightened nipple strained to be touched, to be pinched. She sighed in relief, turning her head to capture Rhoda's lips in her own. "Please." She whispered, begged.

"Yeah?" Rhoda looked at Mary, as if surprised that she might want this now.

Mary nodded, shifting again in her seat. Her fingers moved to her jeans, undoing the button in a matter of seconds, Rhoda helping with the zipper.

"You're wild, kid." Rhoda kissed Mary again but made no further protest as she moved to kneel down before Mary, to help hoist down her pants so that they pooled at her feet. "You're not…uh…wearing any panties?" Rhoda breathed, rather shocked by the revelation, eyes focused on Mary's exposed center.

Mary felt her cheeks flush, realizing that perhaps she had been expecting just this to happen. Well, she certainly had been enjoying the seam of her jeans, the way it had pressed against her so perfectly. "Yeah, so what if I wasn't." Mary shrugged, grinning at Rhoda's distracted state.

"God, kid." Rhoda whispered, her breath ghosting over Mary's skin, setting her on edge.

The couple on the screen moved on to something wild sounding, Mary's attention suddenly drawn to the way in which the blonde woman was now riding against the brunette, both calling out as if they were receiving the pinnacle of sexual satisfaction. And then Rhoda's lips were on her, parting her, probing. She yelped, surprised by the contact. She opened her legs wider, feeling somewhat guilty to have Rhoda down on her knees before her.

Rhoda didn't seem to be complaining though, instead pulled Mary closer to her with her strong, firm grasp – for Rhoda was very strong and could manipulate and move Mary in ways that sometimes surprised her.

Rhoda licked at Mary, using a finger to enter inside of her, to feel her more intimately.

"Oh….Rhoda." Mary sighed, eyes fluttering to stay open, to watch as the women on the screen did similar things to one another. It was perhaps like a full-on movie experience, for Mary felt she was experiencing what she was watching. It was not at all as it had been the few times she'd tried it with Steven. The couples they had watched had seemed rather stiff, and Mary hadn't at all been pleasured by Steven pressing himself into her.

This time was different, because this time Rhoda was pleasing her, was making sure that she was having the experience of her dreams. For hadn't Mary dreamed this at least once or twice? Of Rhoda touching her in such a way as they did something dirty like watching this film? "Rho-oh, Rhoda." Mary grabbed at her own breasts, pinching her hardened nipples, hands smoothing over her abdomen to wrap about Rhoda's back, tangling finally in dark hair. "Oh, God…" Mary bit her lip, pressing forward against Rhoda, pulling a little at her hair.

It was only a matter of minutes before Rhoda had her tumbling, falling, stumbling. She called out, as if inspired by the women on the television before them. It was guttural, animalistic, this sound, this need, this want. Her body was floating, flying through mid-air and she never wanted to land.

She fell back against the couch, her arms encircling Rhoda there in her lap, holding her close as she rested her head against Mary's stomach. "You've been thinking about this a long time, haven't you?" Rhoda finally glanced up at Mary who could only lazily nod, a contented smile curling on her lips.

"Maybe so." Mary sighed, brushing Rhoda's hair from her cheek. "Kiss me." Mary needed to feel Rhoda's lips, wanted to taste herself there on Rhoda's magnificent tongue.

"Uh, I don't think I can get up, kid." Rhoda shifted a little before laughing.

"Oh no, I've broken you." Mary gasped, leaning forward to try and pull the other woman up.

"No, no. My knees are just not what they used to be." Rhoda struggled upwards and finally collapsed onto the couch beside Mary, the duo falling into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, you're not that old yet!" Mary laughed.

"Maybe so, but I'm not used to being on my knees for extended periods of time." Rhoda rubbed at her kneecaps.

"I guess I should be grateful for that." Mary smiled, wanting to believe that perhaps she was the only person whom Rhoda would get on her knees for.

"Oh please." Rhoda rolled her eyes. "Though I suppose you are about the only person I'd do that for."

"Yeah?" Mary asked innocently, though was happy to hear it voiced. It was so silly to still feel jealous about Louise…even Jean-Pierre or Joe! Who knows what Rhoda had done with them. Mary could hardly even bring herself to think of the countless other people who had come before and between those men. She wanted Rhoda to herself, to have all of her. But so much had come between them, had tarnished that reality.

Mary wrapped her arms about Rhoda then, pulling her close, kissing her passionately, lovingly.

"I love you, Mare." Rhoda spoke the words as they parted, as if reminding Mary that no one else mattered, that it was only the two of them now.

Well the two of them and the women before them on the screen.

"Let's turn this off and go to bed." Mary grinned.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I got some ideas of what I'd like to do to you."

"Oh, well I hope they don't involve my knees."

"I think we could figure something out."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Her dreams were not pleasant. They left her feeling uncomfortable. Mountain ledges, a bridge over racing waters, Rhoda standing in Central Park, standing then at Mary's Weatherly Avenue apartment door, looking at her, looking at her but unable to step inside, into the safety of Mary's arms. There was a barrier between them, some invisible force that kept them apart. She watched, watched on in horror as Rhoda called out to her, tried to press through this invisible force field, tried to get to Mary but slowly, slowly she began to dissolve, to be sucked up and away, out of the picture, out of that green hallway. How vivid the surroundings, how clearly Mary could see and yet Rhoda vanished from her grasp as she had all those years before.

She awoke, tangled in the sheets, sweating.

It all hit her then. Hit her like a ton of bricks – how cliché, Mary thought, but her chest felt as heavy as if it were true.

She knew.

"Mare, Mary," Rhoda was whispering beside her, concerned by her restlessness. "What is it?"

"Rhoda," Mary turned to face her, sitting up then on her arm so that she could peer down at Rhoda, unsure that she was, in fact there, reachable, attainable, with her in that moment and not disintegrated into nothing. "Rhoda."

"I'm here kid. What's the matter?" Rhoda reached up to tangle her fingers in Mary's hair, to smooth away her fears, but the uneasy feeling did not leave the pit of Mary's stomach.

"Rhoda, why did you –" Mary cleared her throat. "Why'd you come back?"

Rhoda's brow creased. "What do you mean?"

"Why did you come back to New York?" Mary shifted out of Rhoda's gentle caress, sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet about herself. She looked down, intently at Rhoda, as if seeing her anew, fresh, revealed there below her.

"To be closer to Meredith, I told you…"

"No." Mary shook her head. "Why did you come back? Don't lie to me Rhoda. The letters, the phone calls…Rhoda, what is it?"

Rhoda looked at a loss for words then, blanching, sleepiness depriving her of a fast-enough comeback to pacify Mary. "Mare, it's…" she looked away briefly. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Rhoda." Mary threaded her fingers through her hair. "Rhoda, oh God."

"Mare, Mary. Calm down." Rhoda hoisted her tired body into a seated position, reaching for Mary. Though Mary could not relax into her embrace, did not want to be consoled.

"What is it Rhoda?" Mary pounded her fists against Rhoda's chest, needing to know, desperate to know.

"Mary." Rhoda sat up then, catching Mary's pathetic hands in her own. "Oh, Mare." Rhoda's whole self appeared to deflate there before Mary. Mary could make out every wrinkle, every line, the droop beneath her eyes, the exhaustion that had been so delicately disguised. Rhoda was collapsing there before her, shriveling up.

"Rho, what…" Mary fought back a tear though it slid down her cheek. She held onto Rhoda's hands tighter, afraid she might disappear as she had in her dream.

"Mary, please stop. Please don't…don't make this a bigger deal than it is. Okay?" Rhoda clasped tightly onto Mary's hands, pulling at them in hopes that Mary might calm down, might take what she was about to say steadily.

"What?" Mary squeaked out, fear gripping at her throat.

Rhoda took a deep breath in, as if steadying herself first. "You've gotta promise me…"

Mary could only nod, looking expectant.

"They found…oh God, when I was in Paris I went for a monthly check up and they found something suspect. On my lung, see. But they didn't think it was bad. Not yet. And they want to test it, but I haven't…well, they acted like it wasn't anything really."

"Rhoda!" Mary was furious. "You mean you haven't gotten it checked out?"

"No, I…"

"Rhoda, you're so reckless, so careless." Mary flew from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Rhoda clamored up behind her, followed her through the living area, to where the phone rested on the table.

"I'm calling the hospital right away. To get you an appointment. Preferably for today." Mary picked up the phone and then huffed. Which doctor had called? She tried to remember the message. "Rhoda, what is the number?"

"Mare, it's not an emergency." Rhoda was pleading with her.

"It is, and we are going to have it looked at." Mary skimmed her hand over the messages on the table, the piles of paper, searching for that one she had noticed the other day, the one in Rhoda's hand, the one with the phone number on it. She remembered seeing it.

"Kid, relax. It's probably nothing." Rhoda was tugging at her, trying to distract her away from the phone.

Mary found the paper. She dialed the number, fighting off Rhoda as she tried to get her to hang up. "Ah, yes. Is this Dr. Cohen? Oh, I see. Well he has been calling for my…my friend, Rhoda Morgenstern…ah Rousseau. Yes, she would like to make an appointment. Does he have anything for today? Well, she's right here…yes, uh…yes….well she's sick, see and asked me to call…" Rhoda had her head in her hands. "Oh, today! Oh perfect, yes. Thank you. We will be there. Yes. Yes. Goodbye." Mary hung up and turned to Rhoda. "We're going today at 1:30."

"Mary." Rhoda angrily set her jaw.

"No, this is not something to put off. The sooner they know something the sooner they can treat it." Mary crossed her arms over her chest, rubbed at her arms, not certain what to do with herself.

There was a spot on Rhoda's lung. On her Rhoda. "Oh, Rhoda." Mary felt the tears pooling in her eyes.

"Mare," Rhoda was furious, so furious that tears were threatening to fall from her own eyes. But Mary could see past that, could see that beneath that anger with her there was something else. There was fear. Intense fear.

Mary lunged forward then, practically pressing Rhoda up against the wall. She wrapped her arms about her, held her so tightly, so close to her, squeezing the breath right out of the woman.

"Mare," Rhoda choked out. "Mary, I'm okay."

"No," Mary wailed.

"Please, Mary." Rhoda pushed a little at her.

Mary shook her head, her grip loosening on Rhoda, burying her face in Rhoda's chest, tears staining her nightgown. "You can't leave me. You can't…you're not leaving me. Not again." Mary blubbered through tears.

"Mary, I'm not going anywhere, kid." Rhoda whispered through her own tears, kissing the crown of Mary's head, wrapping her arms about the collapsing woman.

There was nothing more Mary could do than to call in sick that day. The apartment was so quiet, so deafeningly quiet. They curled up in their pajamas on the couch with their coffee, Mary with her arm about Rhoda, needing to feel her there with her, touching her, breathing against her.

"How?" Mary whispered as her lips grazed over the crown of Rhoda's head.

Rhoda took a deep breath, sighing. "Well, I can't be entirely sure. You know how I smoked in high school, how everyone did. But I stopped after art school. I was dating this…uh, guy and he was pretty straightedge." Rhoda trailed off then, knowing how Mary hated all things that had come before. "Anyway, Jean-Pierre was a real smoker. Probably why Meredith picked it up." Rhoda sighed, disappointedly. "I wish she'd give it up."

Mary nodded, nuzzling her head closer.

"Europe is much laxer about it, you know. I'd have a cigarette here and there, I mean it's hard when you're living with a smoker and you're surrounded by it all the time not to…and uh, well I picked it up again for a time, but stopped after Meredith caught me out one day. I hated it, hated that she'd seen me doing it." Rhoda shifted closer in Mary's embrace. "I've done it to myself."

"No," Mary shook her head, pulling Rhoda closer to her.

"Mare," Rhoda's voice was so small, so frightened then. "I don't want to die."

Mary's eyes slid closed, her breath catching in her throat. She couldn't respond, not right away. It took her a moment to find her footing, to recapture her voice. "We're going to fight this, Rho. We're going to do whatever it takes. Okay?" She tugged at Rhoda, hugged her tight.

Rhoda just nodded against her, turning so that she could lean up and Mary down to kiss. Salty tears tinged their lips.

"That wasn't so bad, Rhoda." Mary followed her inside the apartment, already exhausted by Rhoda's little game of not speaking to her.

"Bad? Maybe not for you but for me it was horrible. I hate getting poked and prodded all over. I was a very healthy child, a very healthy adult, and I am not used to being stuck with needles and laying absolutely still in suffocating tunnels. You know I'm not good at being still." Rhoda exploded there in the front foyer, pulling at her scarf, unwrapping it from her person violently, as if she couldn't breathe.

"Rhoda, please..." Mary tried to reach out, to steady her before she ripped her coat in half.

"Ow!" Rhoda called out in pain, having grasped too tightly and pulled her coat over her bruised and bandaged arm.

"See," Mary clasped her between her arms, holding her still. "You're going to hurt yourself. Now be careful." And Mary slowly, gently, carefully removed the coat the rest of the way, Rhoda looking deflated before her. "Rhoda, sweetheart, they said you came in at a good time. Let's hope they don't find anything that indicates it's anything more than a little patch of nothing."

"Mary, I can't - kid, I just can't... I'm going to go insane if I have to sit around here and wait." Rhoda raked her hands through her hair, restless, uncertain, worried.

Mary longed to know what she could do, wished, desperately that she could make this all go away, that they might be able to rewind to the previous night when they hadn't a care in the world other than getting down to finally loving one another the way they always should have. Oh, this was all horrible. This wasn't how it should be. Rhoda wasn't meant to be sick, to be worried and upset. She had always been the bright and cheerful one, the one that brought sunshine into Mary's life and now there were only storms. "Ugh." Mary groaned, at a loss for words and actions.

"Exactly." Rhoda agreed, falling onto the couch.

"Oh, Rhoda. I hate this. We can't just sit around here like this, we just...can't." Mary started pacing. "I've got it!" She stopped dead in her tracks and faced Rhoda. "I know about this cute little place in upstate. Steven and I..." Mary cleared her throat, "well, it would be more enjoyable if it were the two of us. I could...I could call up and see if I could get the place for the weekend. It's right on the lake, oh Rhoda. It'd be beautiful this time of year. It'll get us out of town. Come on, what do you think?"

"A secluded cabin somewhere in the woods with you?" Rhoda considered it, shrugged. "It's a good idea, I guess. Maybe it'll keep my mind off my impending death sentence."

"Oh, would you stop that?" Mary looked sternly at Rhoda. "It is not a death sentence. We can't...we're not... I'm going to make that phone call." Mary turned, fighting back the tears that had welled up in her eyes.

"Ah, Mare." Rhoda sighed. "Mary, come here." Rhoda called for her from the couch. Mary didn't want to turn though, to show her weakness, her fear. "Mary, I need you to kiss me."

Mary stomped her foot, ran a finger under her eye and turned back to Rhoda. "You don't play fair, Morgenstern." Mary leaned down and pressed their lips together, kissing Rhoda as if they may never kiss again, falling onto the couch there beside her.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

There was something uncomfortable about sleep that night, something that eluded both of them though neither spoke to the other, just laid in one another's arms, both lost to their own thoughts. The apartment felt all wrong, the bed wrong, the city too noisy, the lights outside too bright. Somehow leaving that morning for upstate New York filled Mary with a sort of relief, something that would soothe her, hopefully soothe Rhoda. As if perhaps they could run away from everything. Though at least this time they would be together.

It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all. To have obtained Rhoda, to be able to love her now…and then to potentially lose her yet again...

But no, Mary would remain positive, optimistic.

God, she hoped Rhoda hadn't waited too long, stuck in her fear and perhaps shame around being sick. She'd kill her herself if she had...

"Mare?" Rhoda's voice whispered with the rising sun.

"Yes?" Mary glanced down at that glorious mane of dark hair which burned auburn in the morning sunlight.

"Did you sleep?" Rhoda asked, turning in Mary's arms to kiss her.

Mary shook her head.

"Yeah, me either." Rhoda rubbed at her eyes, so tired, so weary. "You'll be okay to drive?" Rhoda sat up then, moving to get up. She seemed always to be the first one out of bed.

"Uh hmm." Mary pulled herself up, realizing how very awake she felt.

They moved about their morning routine, coffee with toast and jelly, washing faces, hair styling, dressing. They packed a sort of lunch, as if they were children on vacation, and then walked several blocks to the car rental place. Soon they were driving up and away from Manhattan, across the Washington Bridge, into the unfamiliar and very different New Jersey. Mary had mapped out the route, knew it nearly like the back of her hand before they'd left.

She delighted in the way Rhoda's eyes watched the changing terrain, the snow-covered trees about them that grew thicker and thicker the further they went away from the city. Buildings diminished and nature prevailed.

They stopped about noon, buying hot coffees from a gas station and ate the sandwiches, celery, and carrots that they'd brought in the car. Rhoda seemed revived, refreshed in the glow of the afternoon sun reflected off the snow. Mary saw her girlish wiles return to her, there was a sort of safety in this trip, a suspension of disbelief for before her Rhoda was so very much alive, so very much there.

"Mare, thank you. For all of this, you know." Rhoda reached across the seat to take Mary's hand. It felt different, the two holding hands out in public for the world to see. Though as secluded as they were Mary doubted there were many people to see...but it was the principle of the thing and she realized she enjoyed, was thrilled by it.

"It's nothing." Mary shrugged.

"It's not nothing, Mare. You've done so much for me. You took me in when I moved back to New York, you wouldn't let me pay you, you got me insured, you let me kiss you and I... well, I could hardly even begin to pay you back." Rhoda bowed her head, staring intently at their entwined hands which she bounced there in the seat between them.

"Rhoda, there is nothing to pay back. I love you and I happily gave you all of that. Honestly. I'd…I'd do anything for you." Mary brought their hands to her lips, kissing the back of Rhoda's.

"Ah, kid. This isn't some pity thing, is it? You feel bad for old Rhoda Morgenstern, still the mess she always was, still directionless, stupid, uncertain…and now…well, defective."

"Would you stop it?" Mary pulled at her hand, jerking her away from those thoughts. "You're none of those things, Rho. You've always helped me, been there when I needed you and I feel like…maybe I've been negligent to things. In the past." Mary sighed, "I wish…I just wish you'd said something."

Rhoda was quiet as she stared out the front windshield. She was distant then, as if lost to another time, another place. "I do, too." She swiped her free hand surreptitiously under her eyes. It hurt Mary's heart to see Rhoda in pain like this, in pain at all ever. And so she jerked them from this line of thought.

"We'd better get going if we want to be there before the sun sets." For she felt, somehow, that the cabin was their haven and that everything would be okay once they got there. Mary squeezed Rhoda's hand, assuring her that all was well, everything was right in the world, that they would get past this little blip in their radar and move on to better things. For they were only just beginning. Rhoda glanced at her, smiled and nodded, reassuring Mary that she was okay.

They headed back out onto the main road which dwindled down into a two-lane highway, taking them past some exquisite looking houses hidden off in the woods. Mary made a couple more turns which took them past a little grocery store. They gathered enough for a few meals at the cabin and then they were snaking down another road before pulling down a long, gravel driveway to a beautiful window-filled home framed by the outline of a lake that stretched on for miles until it made landfall again.

"Oh, Mare. It's gorgeous." Rhoda stood from the car, stretching her legs, staring off at the beautiful sight before her.

Mary watched her, feeling at ease now that she had Rhoda here, now that they had arrived and nothing could touch them. Not for this weekend. This weekend was sacred.

They pulled their belongings inside, Rhoda distracted by every little nook and cranny. "Oh my God, look at this Mare! They have a window seat overlooking the lake." "Look at this view!" "They even have a hot tub…" "The porch is practically on top of the lake." "The bedroom is lofted!" "Oh, Mare. The view from the loft is even better." "Can we start a fire in the fireplace?"

Mary laughed to herself as she unloaded the grocery items into the refrigerator. "Sure we can. That would be lovely."

"I'll go get the wood for the fire."

"Uh, Rhoda…are you sure you…should in your…" Mary was met with a look of indignation.

"What? In my what? Fragile state? My condition?" Rhoda clinched her fists there at her side.

"I didn't say…"

"But you were going to." Rhoda moved in on Mary then.

"No, I just…I'm worried." Mary held her ground.

"I'm not broken. Not yet. I think I can manage to start a fire if I want to."

"Fine, fine." Mary held up her hands. "Go and get the wood for the fire."

"I will." Rhoda turned then, angrily walking for the door.

Well, they certainly were not off to a great start. What was supposed to be their perfect weekend had hit a little stumbling block. Mary fought back the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, the realization that perhaps this cabin was not the answer to all their problems.

Rhoda entered the cabin again in a flourish. Mary peered at Rhoda as she went about the dinner preparations, watching as she perfectly placed down kindling, followed by some logs and then glanced about for some paper to light. Mary handed her the brown paper bags they'd gotten at the grocery store, wordlessly, for she could tell Rhoda was upset with her, and then watched again as Rhoda somehow expertly lit up the fire and in no time a blaze was coming from the fireplace. Rhoda stood back and wiped her hands together, proud of herself.

Where had she learned to do that? Mary had never remembered her being much of a "wilderness" type person. Whenever they'd had fires in her stove back in Minnesota it had always been Mary that had started and kept it going. Rhoda had acted dumb to the whole thing. Now she knew how to expertly start up a fire. What more did Mary not know of this woman? She had thought she'd known her so well…

"Are you done giving me the silent treatment now? I see you're more than capable of creating fire." Mary finally asked over her salad preparations.

Rhoda shrugged and moved towards the kitchen. She sat down at the counter, reaching for a slice of cucumber. "Mare," Rhoda looked at her as she bit into the slice.

"Yeah?" Mary met her gaze.

"Is that why you've been so precious with me, since we went to the doctor's office?" Rhoda did not look amused.

Mary laughed, "what do you mean?"

"I mean that you haven't made a pass at me since Wednesday." Rhoda ate another cucumber.

"I…" Mary opened her mouth to refute this claim, though found that she couldn't. "Well, Rhoda…I…"

"I'm not broken or…or diseased, Mare. I'm still here…I'm still…I still need," Rhoda bowed her head, playing with the edge of the lettuce bag.

"Of course," Mary finally choked out. "Of course, it's not that. I just…it's been a lot to process. I just wanted…"

"Yeah, yeah. It's okay, Mare." Rhoda shrugged. "Look, I forgive you. Let's not let it ruin our weekend. Okay?"

Mary looked at Rhoda, really looked at her. She still looked a little upset, a little peeved with her. Mary set down her knife and moved around to where Rhoda was sitting.

"Mare," Rhoda rolled her eyes as Mary swiveled her about in the bar stool to face her fully.

She clasped Rhoda's face between her hands, lifting her lips to her own, kissing her with a searing passion, leaving little doubt in how she felt about Rhoda, in what she meant to her. "I'm sorry I haven't been more attentive." Mary whispered through kisses.

"Oh, you have, kid. You have." Rhoda sighed against her lips. "I just missed you…I need…"

"I know."

The rice started boiling, making the pan hiss on the stove top. Mary kissed Rhoda one more time and then returned to making dinner.

"It looks so cold out there, are you sure we should –" Rhoda peered through the glass to the lit back porch. The sun was setting off across the lake, night beginning to consume the scenery outside the impressive windows.

"Oh, come on." Mary wrapped her arms about Rhoda from behind, pressing her lips to Rhoda's cheek. "It'll be nice once we get out there."

"What if we freeze to death in the process?" Rhoda continued staring straight ahead.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's a short little run. I've already been out there to make sure it's on and working."

Rhoda sighed, "okay, kid. After you then." Rhoda stepped aside so that Mary had to slide open the door, a rush of cold night air flowing in to greet them. They rushed towards the edge of the porch, towards where steam rose off the lighted water surface. Rhoda discarded her robe, Mary watching as she revealed her swimsuit clad body. God, that body was exquisite, had always been. She loved every curve of Rhoda's body, her tight little waist that opened up to strong thighs – oh, how strong her thighs were. She watched as Rhoda stepped up onto the little platform, sliding carefully into the waiting hot tub before moving to its edge.

Mary shivered in the freezing night air, pulling her robe a little tighter.

"What are you doing? Get in here." Rhoda demanded once she'd taken a seat in the warmth of the pool of water. "Seriously, kid. You'll catch a cold."

"I'm coming." Mary came to the edge, stepping onto the platform.

"Take your robe off!" Rhoda was looking at her as if she had gone insane.

Mary's eyebrow rose, inwardly laughing to herself as she removed her robe, dropping it to the deck floor. Her nipples hardened as the Northern wind whipped past her, ruffling her hair.

"Oh…Jesus, Mare." Rhoda covered her mouth, was flabbergasted at the lack of swimsuit beneath Mary's robe.

Mary grinned.

"Get in here." Rhoda practically stood up and hurried Mary into the tubs' warmth. "Are you insane? What if someone saw you? What if you'd frozen to death?"

Mary was laughing, hysterically laughing as she settled into the water, the sensation of it against her body foreign, liberating, nice. "Oh, Rho," Mary could hardly speak. "Rhoda, who would see me? Out here? We're completely alone."

Rhoda glanced about then, as if searching for someone and then she was laughing, too. Not as much as Mary, but there was still laughter. "You're insane. Really, off your rocker kid."

"Oh, come on. You appreciated it." Mary inched forward in the water, the current in the small pool making it easy for her body to slide, to hover there over Rhoda's. Her hands came out to clasp the side of the hot tub on either side of Rhoda's head.

Rhoda's breath hitched in her throat, she looked as if she were fighting off the smile that was tempting to break through. Finally, her lip curled upwards and she was smiling and pulling Mary close to her, wrapping her arms about Mary's shoulders. "I do." She nodded, "you're just insane. To be out on a night like this with no clothes on."

"Would you rather I jump out and go put on a bathing suit?" Mary innocently batted her eyes, looking for all the world like she might actually dart away and do just that.

"No!" Rhoda looked surprised by her own quick, emphatic response. "No. Stay right here."

"Here?" Mary inched a little closer.

"Uh huh," Rhoda nodded. Their cheeks pressing together, Mary watching Rhoda's face, looking at her as their lips collided. "God, you're something, Mare." Rhoda slid her hand back in the water, running her fingers up Mary's stomach, before cupping her breast. Rhoda's hand felt like heaven there beneath the water. Had it really been since Wednesday…No, Mary didn't want to think anything about Wednesday. Not when she had Rhoda here, before her. So very alive and attentive before her.

"Hey," Mary slid her finger beneath the strap of Rhoda's suit. "Take this off."

"Oh, Mare. You may enjoy skinny dipping, but I…I don't think…"

"It's just the two of us." Mary grinned, pressing her lips to Rhoda's cheek.

Rhoda moaned, made no move to stop her as she pulled the strap down her arm, freeing the left side from Rhoda's person. Mary pressed her lips to Rhoda's other cheek as her fingers tangled with the right strap. Her body floated downwards, floated to straddle Rhoda as she slid the top from her person, revealing those perfectly round breasts. Oh, what Mary wouldn't give to have such perfect breasts. She cupped them, rolled the nipples between her fingers.

Rhoda's arms wrapped about her, and she watched as Rhoda's head rolled back on the edge of the tub. She looked so content laying there in the glassy surface of the hot tub, her breasts floating above the water, her hair messily piled into a bun atop her head. How had Mary denied this from her?

She knew, knew she had been scared since the doctor's appointment. She had been afraid to break Rhoda, to hurt her further. She wanted her to remain whole, but suddenly Mary realized that to do so she needed this, needed Mary.

"Oh, kid." Rhoda reached up and ran her finger through Mary's damp hair, "you're so gorgeous, Mare."

"No," Mary blushed. "You are so beautiful." Mary leaned down to kiss Rhoda. "So, so beautiful."

Rhoda laughed. "Are you going to get me out of this suit?" She finally asked.

Mary was laughing then. They shifted, Mary suddenly finding herself beneath a very naked Rhoda, pinned there between her and a perfectly placed jet stream of water. "Oh, Rhoda."

Rhoda grinned evilly, her eyes sparkling, clear in the dimming night. She looked at Mary intently, her hand sliding there between Mary's legs. "I've always wanted to try this."

"You…you seem to know what you're doing." Mary gasped, taken by the water pressure and Rhoda's knowledgeable ministrations. Their lips pressed together, Mary's hand finding Rhoda there beneath the surface of the water, making her call out in pleasure and surprise. Their mouths collided, both panting, warm from the hot tub, from what it was they were doing. Mary tumbled over first, shifting a little so that she could better reach Rhoda then, working until Rhoda was panting and calling out into the evening air, into the silent forest around them. They had lost themselves in the moment, given over to their passions, their want for one another.

"Oh, Mary," Rhoda was breathing heavily. "Oh, I've never…that…that was…something." Rhoda had to sit up a little more on a ledge, her chest out of the water, hand to her heart, steadying herself.

"Are you okay?" Mary was concerned then, worried that perhaps her deepest fear had come to pass, she had actually harmed Rhoda.

But then Rhoda was laughing, "I'm….oh Mary, I'm fine. That was wonderful, really wonderful, kid."

"Yeah?" Mary held onto Rhoda's thigh, watching her until the younger woman looked at her and smiled. She found Mary's hand in the water, taking it in her own and squeezing it.

"Yeah. I didn't think it was possible, but you…well…I guess we just had hot tub sex." Rhoda ran a hand through her damp, messy hair. God, she was gorgeous there in the moonlight.

"I guess we did." Mary laughed, pulling Rhoda's hand out of the water to kiss it.

"You're really something, you know? Who'd of thought Mary Richards would skinny dip and have sex in a hot tub. I wonder what Phyllis would think if she knew we were up to this." Rhoda laughed.

"Oh, Phyllis! I haven't thought of her in years. You know she had me come out to see her as a sort of practical joke. Oh, that woman. She infuriates me."

"You, kid? Imagine how I felt? Always the butt of her jokes." Rhoda rolled her eyes.

"I never thought it _really_ bothered you, did it?"

Rhoda shrugged, sinking back into the water. "Sometimes, but I mostly ignored her." Rhoda rested her head back again. "I got her back well enough."

Mary laughed, "you sure did."

"Hey, do you ever think about everyone from back in Minneapolis?" Rhoda let her free hand skim over the surface of the water.

"I do." Mary settled back in her seat, delighting in the feel of Rhoda's hand in her own, resting there in the water. There was a sense of peace and calm that came with the water, the night breeze, the trees that rustled in the wind, the stars as they began to appear before them.

"I can't believe Ted died, you know. A few years back."

"Oh yeah, Mare. Oh, yes, I remember. Georgette called me. I couldn't come to the funeral, but I sent flowers." Rhoda sighed. "I miss Georgette, too."

"Yeah, I do, too. She was really something, wasn't she?"

"Was she ever. A little air-headed, but a big heart." Mary agreed.

"I used to keep up with Lou. We'd have conversations every now and then, usually once, maybe twice a year." Rhoda grinned as she recalled him.

"You did?" Mary looked at her, having not realized they had stayed in contact.

"Oh sure, kid. I liked Lou."

"Mr. Grant really is something, isn't he?"

"You still call him Mr. Grant?" Rhoda laughed.

"Sure, that's how I knew him." Mary didn't find it that funny. He had always been Mr. Grant and would remain so now. "I should call him. Wonder what he'd think about the two of us going at it like rabbits."

"Lou? Oh boy, I'm sure he wouldn't know what to do." Rhoda smirked at the thought.

"Yeah, best we keep it out of the conversation."

"You know, I think he would come around. He's a sensible enough guy." Rhoda shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe so." Mary nodded.

They both stared up at the night sky, a comfortable silence settling between them. Talking about everyone, about old times, it made Mary feel as if it were back then, that they hadn't moved on and changed at all. They were frozen in time, surrounded by all the old cast of characters.

Looking up at the stars with Rhoda felt magical then.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"I want to know everything." Mary whispered over the crackling fire, her fingers gliding over the sensitive skin, kneading moisture back into the pad of Rhoda's foot.

Rhoda's eye cracked open, squinting as her head remained reclined atop the arm of the couch. "Whatd'ya mean? Everything?"

Mary shrugged, rubbing a little bit more intensely. They had stayed in the hot tub until the heat had consumed them, made it unbearable, and then had raced inside to a pleasant shower together. Mary had kissed Rhoda there under the steady stream of water. "You know, like everything about you." It wasn't too much to ask, was it? The want to know everything, to understand Rhoda as well, if not better than she knew herself. That wasn't so much...

Rhoda sleepily laughed. "What? You want me to start from infancy or something?"

"Yes." Mary nodded, seriously. She needed to know how young Rhoda had operated, know what she liked, disliked, her true opinions of things, people, places, what it had been like to be raised Jewish, Jewish in the Bronx. What else was there to know? She didn't know enough.

Rhoda laughed again, her eyes coming fully open then to peer at Mary. "You're really serious, kid..."

Mary nodded.

"Uh, okay, but...I couldn't possibly tell you everything...there's too much...so much I've forgotten." Rhoda rubbed at her forehead. "Where do you want me to...what..."

"I know about the people, your mother, your father, your sister...I know where and when but I want to know how you felt about things. What you thought about, what you believed, what you did when you were alone."

"That's a tall order, Mare." Rhoda stretched a little, seeming to come to from the content silence that had surrounded them as Mary had massaged lotion all over her, into every intimate nook and cranny. "I probably can't tell you everything I felt, least of all as a kid." Rhoda thought for a moment, searching for a memory, a place to begin. "Well we lived in a pretty small apartment when I was first born. I remember that. So small I didn't even have a room. I slept on the couch in the living room and I remember..." Rhoda smiled as the memory caught up to her, "well, we had this piano see, an upright sort of piano in the corner of the room. It was awfully out of tune, but oh, Mare, when Pop played, it was magic. He turned that piano into an orchestra. Gosh, Mary. I haven't thought about that in ages."

She looked then to Mary. Mary smiled, urging her to go on, knowing this was only the beginning.

"Let's see, well Brenda, you know my sister, she was much, much younger than me so I grew up as an only child, basically. I had all of these little friends from synagogue. New York was pretty rough, see, we had a sort of war going between the Catholics and the Jews. We would always end up beating one another up at the park down the street. Oh, Mare. It was useless, fruitless really. I remember thinking it was so stupid, so pointless because we were all God's children, we were all the same really." Rhoda scratched her nose, a memory surfacing then for Mary saw the smile cross her lips. "There was this one, this little girl who lived right across the street from me. Her name was Sally. She was the cutest little thing, but Catholic. I remember staring out across the street and seeing her sitting there at her kitchen table surrounded by her five or six brothers and sisters and somehow, I swear it, she'd know I was looking. Sometimes we'd sneak out behind these bushes in the park and she'd show me her dolls. That was really something back then, Mare. Playing with a Catholic. I guess I've always been a rebel." Rhoda laughed.

"Was she your first love?" Mary's hands wondered up from Rhoda's foot, coming to rest about her ankle, tucked there beneath Rhoda's nightgown. She clasped on tight to Rhoda.

Rhoda laughed, "well I guess I'd never thought about it. Perhaps. I liked her an awful lot. We'd play house sometimes, I was always the husband. Hey, I forgot all about that. Yeah, we'd use this little alcove in the park as a house and she'd make me pretend to come home and say hi to our nine children and then I'd kiss her the way our parents kissed each other."

"She was your first kiss then."

Rhoda considered it, "I guess I just thought it was what children did, but yeah. I suppose if you want to count that."

Mary felt a little tug of jealousy in her chest, but then reminded herself that Rhoda had not grown up near her, had not been given the chance to play with her as child. Mary knew, had to accept that there had been many before her. And that was okay, had to be okay, because Rhoda was here now telling her everything.

"There was a little boy I liked an awful lot, too. Little Gregory. Gosh, I really loved him a whole lot. We were in third grade. I'd let him hold my hand at recess sometimes." Rhoda shrugged. "I suppose I was non-discriminatory in religion and gender. Who knew I was so forward thinking." Rhoda chuckled, surprised with herself. Mary grinned. "I do remember hating the little dresses Ma always put me in for school. I can remember that. Yeah, I really despised wearing those skirts to school and one day I went in my weekend pants and got in a whole lot of trouble with the teachers and with Ma. She was mortified." Rhoda laughed again.

"Did you like growing up in New York?" Mary asked, not quite sure she could fathom living in such a large place as a child. How big and crowded it must've felt, how strange to not have a yard to run in, to play in as Mary had done so freely and openly.

"Oh yeah, Mare. I loved it. I loved when my dad would take me downtown with him on the subway and we'd go into the city. He always took me to shows, when we had enough money. I got to see so many wonderful things, plays, musicals, the Rockettes! It was magical. And oh, during Christmas it's all lit up. That's when I was most jealous of my Catholic friends, that they got to celebrate Christmas with all these presents and trees and we just lit candles and I got a few little trinkets. It never seemed fair. We'd go back to school and all these Christian kids would have new clothes and I'd have some silly chocolate coins." Rhoda rolled her eyes.

Mary grinned. "Did you keep up with any of the Jewish traditions? I don't remember you doing much, except when we'd light the Menorah and I'd get you a little gift on the eighth day."

Rhoda shook her head, "no, I rather renounced the whole thing. And of course, Ma and Pop kind of let up about it all once Brenda and I had gotten older. We were never very good at keeping kosher and sometimes we'd skip over Shabbat. You know, I always really enjoyed Shabbat. I liked when the whole family would come together, my cousins and aunts and uncles and we'd all crowd into someone's apartment and eat dinner together. It was nice to always have plans on Friday evenings, to always be surrounded by people. I did miss that in Minneapolis sometimes." Rhoda admitted.

"You should have involved me in it. Probably would have saved us a lot of Friday night headaches." Mary grinned.

"Yeah, maybe so." Rhoda shook her head, "nah, kid. You wouldn't have wanted to stay in with me."

"Sure I would have." Mary leaned forward, wanting to be closer to Rhoda, to feel her there with her. She sat up, maneuvering there on the large couch into Rhoda's arms, kissing her briefly before resting her head there against her chest so that she could hear her heart beating. She loved listening to Rhoda's heart beating, keeping a steady tempo against her ear. "Perhaps if we'd known back then…perhaps…well, we certainly would have been entertained."

Rhoda chuckled and Mary heard it reverberate in her chest. "Oh, Mare. Perhaps. Well, where were we…..you sure you're not bored."

"No, I want to hear everything." Mary assured her.

"Well, Brenda was born about when I was twelve, or eleven, or maybe thirteen. God Mary, I've forgotten. But we had quite an age difference. I pleaded with Ma to have a sibling for me, you know how I saw Sally with her family all the time, I wanted that. I thought we'd feel more…cohesive, more real, perhaps. And finally Ma got pregnant again. Maybe they waited until they had more money." Rhoda shrugged, wrapping her arms tighter about Mary. "Anyway, we moved to a bigger place, uptown further in the Bronx. I didn't like the place at first. I had my own room for a few months, that was until Brenda was born. Boy did I hate sharing a room with her. She was always screaming and crying. I hardly got any sleep, no sleep at all. I'd end up on the couch most nights. Once she got past those infant years I started enjoying her more and more, though. She was a pretty cute kid. Being so much older, naturally, I always had to babysit when Ma and Pop went out. I hated that. One time I had a boy over! Oh, Mare, that was really something. Yeah, I was about sixteen. He came over and we made out on the couch and he put his hand up my blouse. That was…oh, Mare you wanna hear all these parts?"

Mary nodded in affirmation there at her chest. "Everything."

Rhoda sighed. "His name was Alfie and he was adorable. Jet black hair, Italian, real handsome. He was older, too. He was eighteen. He was the first guy that had ever asked me out. I was a pretty awkward girl, imagine it or not." Rhoda chuckled at herself. "Well, I suppose you can imagine it. I wasn't very popular at school, nothing like that. But this Alfie kid, he seemed real interested in me and I fell. So I had him over that night and I was really nervous, I wasn't sure what to expect. We shared a Coke and then he just kind of grabbed me and started kissing me. I wasn't sure I liked it very much, he was pretty sloppy and he kept groping and finally his hand had pulled my shirt free and then it was there on my skin and it made me feel kind of icky, you know? I didn't know what two people did together."

"How'd you get him to stop?" Mary glanced up, meeting Rhoda's eyes.

"Oh, I told him my parents were coming back soon and he got out pretty quickly." Rhoda's hand slid into Mary's hair.

"I don't like that he did that." Mary commented.

"Yeah? Well, everyone has their first grope. At least it didn't go any further than that." Rhoda's fingers delighted over Mary's skull.

"Did you…did you like _it_ the first time you did it?" Mary inquired, her curious nature wanting to know more, her rational self telling her not to ask too much for she knew she would loathe every person who ever had touched Rhoda. Though, didn't she want to know? Her curiosity burned, deep, wanting to know more, needing to know.

"Oh, well…I suppose I didn't dislike it. It all happened rather precariously. It was with that guy I told you about. The one I quit smoking for."

"It wasn't until after college then?"

Rhoda nodded, "I wasn't some loose woman, Mary Richards. What do you think of me?"

"I don't think…I just…well…how did it happen?" Mary felt embarrassed for having assumed that there had been more encounters.

"Well, he was older, see, and had his own place in Manhattan, around 75rd street on the Upper East Side. He'd taken me to dinner and then I came back to his place, kind of knowing it might happen. He was a real gentleman, he made me feel very comfortable about it all."

Mary nodded, not sure she wanted to hear any more. She could see it all in her mind anyway. The way some man would undress Rhoda and carefully, gently take her innocence from her. At least it had been mutual, respectful. For that she could be grateful.

"You don't want to know more than that." Rhoda stated matter-of-factly.

"No" Mary shook her head. "Why did you come to Minneapolis? Did you know anyone there?"

"Oh," Rhoda seemed to consider this question for a bit. "It was silly really. You'll probably laugh at me." Rhoda was laughing at herself already. "I followed a guy out to Minneapolis. Yeah, kid. I was pretty pathetic. Mason Kensington. He was from Minneapolis. He painted this idyllic picture of the town and I got sucked in, I thought maybe I could find a respectable art job out here, you know. Maybe get some experience and marry him. Yeah, Rhoda Kensington. Sounds pretty awful, doesn't it? I can't believe I did it, Mare. Just on a whim. I lied to everyone that I'd gotten a job. I felt bad leaving Brenda all by herself with Ma and Pop, but I also wanted a change of scenery, to get away, you know. I was twenty-six and I wanted something else. And no one had married me, no perfect little Jewish boy had turned my head – poor Ma, she tried, boy did she try. I was practically an old maid, so I thought why not follow this guy out to Minneapolis. So I moved."

Mary pressed her lips to Rhoda's chest. "And boy am I sure glad you did."

"Yeah, I guess it did all work out in the end. Though it turned out Mason had a fiancé back in Minneapolis, so by the time I'd found a job and an apartment I was again husband-less. It really started as a theme in my life after that."

Mary laughed, "I would have been completely happy if you'd remained without a husband."

"Yeah?" Rhoda glanced down at her, eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I absolutely hate Joe and Jean-Pierre. Hate that they were married to you. It's…it's wrong." Mary resolutely stated, holding Rhoda closer.

Rhoda just laughed. "Oh, kid. Kid, I wish things could have been different back then. Really, I do."

"I know that." Mary sighed. "I would have had to have been different back then too though. I was so focused on finding a husband, so laser focused. I didn't even notice you. You, Rhoda Morgenstern. Perfect you." Their lips met, kissing for a moment, before Mary pulled apart to gaze down at Rhoda. "How about I make us some hot chocolate and then you can tell me everything that happened after you left Minneapolis."

Rhoda laughed, "you're crazy, kid."

"Did you enjoy being pregnant?" Mary asked as she got up from the couch to search through the kitchen for hot chocolate supplies. For Mary had been curious since they had not really been talking when both had been pregnant, which was ironic for they had practically been pregnant at the same time, as if some divine law had given them this present of motherhood together despite their distance.

"No, I hated it. I couldn't control my weight at all. I just kept piling on the pounds and Jean-Pierre stopped coming home at night." Rhoda admitted from the couch, lazily sitting up to watch Mary in the kitchen.

"Oh, Rho." Mary set down two mugs on the countertop and looked out at Rhoda.

Rhoda shrugged, "he tried to explain that Parisian men didn't sleep with their wives when they were pregnant, some sort of pleasantry, nicety towards the baby or other." Rhoda laughed sarcastically, "how deluded was I to believe him."

"Would you…would you have wanted to sleep with him?" Mary asked shyly, turning on the stove to heat some milk.

Rhoda nodded, "of course I would have! I was so hormonal, so in want and he just…he just abandoned me. We were in Paris then, you know, and I had no one."

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary moved back towards her, taking her in her arms.

"Oh, you didn't know, Mare. I didn't reach out to you. It was my own fault." Rhoda buried her head into Mary's stomach.

"I would have been there, Rho, if I had known...I would have…I would have loved to have been there, to have touched you, to have helped in any way." Mary whispered.

"I know you would have." Rhoda tried to laugh. Her hands snaked their way beneath Mary's shirt, sliding over her skin there as they held one another. "Did you enjoy it?"

Mary nodded, "not particularly. I was very careful with my weight, I ate right, I exercised, I did everything right. But I would break down nightly. Steven wasn't much help, he didn't really understand it. He'd try to comfort me, but nothing he ever said or did worked." Mary sighed, thinking back on all of those torturous nights, all of those evenings spent in discomfort. How different their experiences had been! For Mary had not wanted Steven near her and yet he refused to leave her side. "It's so ironic that all my life I just thought I wanted to be a wife and a mother and when I got both of those things…" Could Mary admit to how empty it had all made her feel? How she had always received more of a thrill out of working in the fast-paced newsroom, no one's mother or wife. No, she could never say that out loud. Rhoda would think her a monster. "I went right back to work as soon as Rose was born. Diane took over. I left breast milk and I went to work. I feel…I feel like I abandoned her."

"No," Rhoda looked up at her. "No, you had your career to think about and you still cared for her. I know you love her, Mare."

"I know, but I…I felt so upset when I saw her, like she had taken something away from me." Mary wiped at her cheek, realizing she'd never voiced this to anyone before in her life. "She was this little thing that needed me and I always…well I always felt like I failed her."

"You didn't, Mare. You gave up your job for her. You took a job for her now!"

Mary considered this, had always tried to convince herself that she had done just that, but it had never felt fully truthful. She had done it out of guilt, guilty that she had let her daughter grow up with Diane and not her. Even Steven had been a better father than she a mother, at least at first. She'd come home from work and find him holding Rose in his arms and Mary would simply hide in her office. It was despicable.

"Hey, Mare." Rhoda pulled at her arm. "I think the milk is boiling."

"Oh!" Mary snapped to, racing to the kitchen to turn off the oven, pouring the white liquid into the two mugs filled with chocolate powder. The smell reminded her of home, of her childhood which had been so very different from Rhoda's. There had never been piano music filling the large rooms in which she'd grown up in. Even though they'd had a grand piano. Only she had touched it the one summer she took piano lessons. When she proved a failure of a musician the lessons ceased and she was no longer able to grace the ivory keys with her dirty little fingers.

She would rather not relive those moments again. Instead, she picked up the mugs of hot chocolate and brought one to Rhoda who graciously took it. "Listen, kid. We did the best we could. We raised two beautiful girls. We should be proud."

Mary did not feel so settled in this assessment but she clinked her glass against Rhoda's anyway.

"Well, now I need to know all that happened between you and Joe in New York."

"You're sure you're ready for that?" Rhoda eyed her, a little guiltily, a little uncertain.

Mary took a deep breath and then nodded. "Yes. I would like to know."

"Well if you insist…"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

She awoke to the stillness of the night air, a quietness that was unfamiliar. She had been dreaming about being pregnant, about Rhoda there with her instead of Steven, of being in her childhood home, her mother punishing her. Her eyes flashed open, ears ringing in the sudden silence, remembering then where she was. Not back home in Minnesota, not in New York City, but in a cabin in the middle of the woods. With Rhoda.

She heard a sound, the movement of the bed rising and falling with it.

Her faculties returned to her then, for the next sound she registered was a sob. The bed shook again and Mary turned, startled. "Rhoda?"

"Oh," Rhoda wailed, "Mare, go back to sleep."

"No, Rhoda," Mary wrapped her arms about the woman beside her, cuddling her from behind for Rhoda was facing away from her as if she could hide her tears. "What is it?" Mary trailed her fingers through Rhoda's hair, pressing her lips to her forehead.

"Nothing," Rhoda whispered shakily. "It's nothing."

"Oh, sweetheart, it's not nothing. What is it?" She whispered back.

Rhoda clasped onto her hand that made its way protectively about her. She held on for dear life, as if relieved that Mary was awake there beside her.

"I'm here, Rho." Mary clasped her hand tightly back. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, Mare." Rhoda cried. "I'm…I'm not okay."

"Yes, yes you are. You are okay." Mary held her tighter yet.

"Mary, be reasonable, if they find that it's cancerous…"

"Then they have a procedure to remove it and treat it and we will fight it." Mary stated resolutely. "We have options, they said…"

"They said if I'd waited any longer…"

"But we didn't." Mary cut her off.

"Oh, Mary." Rhoda whimpered. "I thought…I thought I'd have more time, I thought..."

Mary felt tears forming in her eyes, for it was too early in the morning, too much to have Rhoda falling apart after the perfect evening they'd shared learning about one another more, loving one another, opening up in new ways…and now Rhoda was falling apart in the night and Mary could only console her with hope, hope that things would get better. But she, herself, didn't know if that was possible. "Oh, Rhoda." Mary's voice broke.

"Mare," Rhoda wiggled free from her grasp, turning in her arms to face her. Her cheeks were tear stained, her eyes dark in the moonlit room. "Oh, kid."

"No, no. You're not comforting me, _kid_." Mary laughed a little, her hand going to cup Rhoda's cheek, finger brushing over the wetness there.

Rhoda laughed a little, though her eyes were still filled with tears and soon those tears were running down her cheeks. "I'm so scared, Mare."

"I know." Mary felt her tears running down her own cheeks.

"I hate this waiting, I hate this not knowing." Rhoda sighed, her hand clutching where it rested against Mary's back.

"Me, too." Mary whispered.

"I guess there was one good thing about all of this." Rhoda grinned a little.

"What is that?" Mary frowned, not certain any of this was a good thing. Rhoda sick was the absolute worst thing that could happen in her life – other than losing Rose, and she had already suffered Steven's death. How much more death could she endure? But Rhoda wouldn't die…she couldn't.

"I finally didn't run away." Rhoda laughed sadly, sarcastically.

"Run away…run away from what?"

"You." Rhoda exhaled.

Mary released the air she had somehow been keeping in her lungs, as if a great relief had washed over her. She laughed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I might have continued wondering aimlessly through the German countryside instead of coming back to New York and looking you up. I might not have finally dared to kiss you…"

"Uh, Rhoda. I think I kissed you." Mary laughed.

"Well, it was rather mutual." Rhoda shrugged, pulling Mary towards her, to kiss her. "So for that, I suppose I am happy."

"I am, too." Mary kissed her again. "I only wish it hadn't taken this to finally bring us together."

Rhoda nodded. "Do you think it might not have happened…do you think we would have gone on living together if you…if I hadn't done something that night?"

Mary sighed. "I don't know, but…but somehow I think it was all meant to happen. Perhaps it took us too long to get it right, but…I think when things are meant to be they have a way of working themselves out." Mary looked into Rhoda's eyes then. "That's why you can't be dying, you see? We've only just begun." Rhoda smiled only a little. "Hey, you've got to promise me something."

"What?" Rhoda sighed.

"That no matter what we'll try to be positive. We'll…we'll work through all the little bumps and bruises, together, and we won't be discouraged. We can be sad and angry and upset when we want to be, but…but we'll always stay encouraged and positive."

Rhoda smiled, "I think that sounds like a plan. A really good plan, Mare."

"Yeah?" Mary pulled her to her again, to kiss her again. The kiss deepened, their bodies finding one another in the night, providing a relief, an escape that both desperately craved in that moment.

As they laid there in the early morning hour, the suggestion of sunlight only slightly coloring the sky outside, Rhoda rested her head against Mary's chest. "I want to know everything about you." She whispered.

Mary, drowsy from love-making and the sleepless nights of the past few evenings shook her head. "Yes, I will tell you everything. But I don't think…" She yawned, "I don't think it will be coherent now."

Rhoda nodded, also yawning. "Tomorrow, perhaps."

"Yes, tomorrow. I can bore you with my tame, suburban life." Mary laughed deep in her chest.

Rhoda kissed her neck before the two fell into a relaxed state of sleep. The first good sleep either had had in days.

"Oh, Mare. You spoil me." Rhoda sleepily walked into the kitchen, wrapping her tired arms about Mary from behind, holding onto her. Mary could feel her peering over her shoulder at the unturned pancakes laying on the griddle.

"I thought we'd go all out for breakfast." Mary turned her head, capturing Rhoda's lips in a brief kiss. "There's faux bacon in the oven."

"Wow, kid. You certainly have outdone yourself." Rhoda kept her firm grasp on Mary's person as Mary flipped the pancakes. "You even have strawberries and raspberries and blueberries."

"For the top of the pancakes." Mary picked up a strawberry and held it for Rhoda to bite into.

"Mmm, Mare. Those are delicious. How did you find such delicious strawberries in the middle of winter?" Rhoda hummed in appreciation.

"I paid an exorbitant price for them back at Al's Family Store." Mary found Rhoda's hand at her abdomen, holding onto her hand, patting it gently. "Are you planning on being a human backpack all day?"

Rhoda chuckled under her breath. "As a matter of fact…" Rhoda squeezed her hand and turned then. "No, I shall make myself useful. I'll set the table."

Once all was plated and sat upon the table which overlooked the rolling waters of the clear, crystal blue lake and the tops of snow-dusted trees, the two sat down to their morning feast.

"I almost don't want to leave." Rhoda admitted as she carefully cut into her pancake.

"I know what you mean." Mary hated the thought, despised going back to the city, to whatever the doctor would say once that test had come back. He'd said they should know by Monday and the following day was Monday. Monday, they would be back home. Monday seemed too soon.

Rhoda swirled a piece of pancake about her plate, looking suddenly grim.

Mary reached out and took her hand. "We have today."

Rhoda nodded. She shoveled the pancake into her mouth and smiled, half-heartedly, at Mary. "I don't know how I'm going to tell Meredith." She looked down at her plate again. "I mean how can I possibly sit her down and tell her 'Your mother might have lung cancer, oh and honey, your 'Aunt Mary' is really your new step-mommy.' I mean, really, do you think she can handle all of that?" Rhoda laughed as she shifted fruit around her plate.

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary squeezed her hand. "Rhoda, honey, we don't have to tell the girls about…well, we're – that is, you and I being together – it's not so important. Is it?"

"Oh Mare, it's important to me. It really is. I shouldn't have said to keep it from them. It wasn't right. We should have just come out and said something. I was being silly, worried, I guess."

"Oh, Rho. I think we did the right thing. It's still so new, even to us. I think the girls can know when we feel ready to tell them. There's no need to rush it. Not now, not with…well, once we know we can decide. Later. Okay?" Mary squeezed her hand again.

Rhoda squeezed back. "You're really something, Mare. I – well, I'm so grateful to have you. I always have been. You know that."

"I do." Mary ate her own piece of pancake. They really were delicious. The same pancakes she used to make for Rose after she'd given up her career to stay home with her. She had worked hard to create the _perfect_ pancake recipe. She felt, now, that that hard work had definitely paid off. Light and fluffy and vanilla flavored.

"I've been thinking…" Mary trailed off, not sure that now was really the time to bring it up, to make Rhoda any more uncomfortable about what the results would bring.

Rhoda looked up at her, "oh really? That doesn't sound like you."

"Oh, Rhoda." Mary rolled her eyes.

"Okay, tell me. Thinking about what?" Rhoda sat forward, picking up her cup of coffee between both hands. The way her hair fell about her face, the glow from the rising sun that cast the perfect hue about her head, made her gorgeous, angelic, innocent.

Mary had to look down, to look away for Rhoda's beauty in that moment was intoxicating. "I've done some reading, some research really, and I think it would be smart of us to get some kind of legal documentation, you know so that I would have certain rights – and you – in any sort of medical situation. For one another. You know, a kind of medical power of attorney."

Rhoda nodded, ran her fingers through her hair. "Sure, I think it sounds smart."

"I had no idea how complicated the legal system could be, you know, for two people of the same sex. Who would have thought?" Mary's laugh came out sarcastically. "Who knew that loving someone could have so much red tape to cut through. What a nightmare all because you're a woman and I'm a woman. Ridiculous, really."

"It is." Rhoda nodded. "You know, if I could do it all over again, and if it were legal, I would have married you and only you. Now, after two marriages, it just doesn't seem special except when you talk about this legal power of attorney stuff. I never thought about it with Joe or Jean-Pierre, you know? I hadn't realized how many rights I'd had, not until you mentioned it. Really, why does it have to matter that we're both women?"

"Beats me." Mary sighed. She fiddled with the butter knife. "It's…it's a shame really. Because this…this feels more real than…well than anything else. Realer than all that happened between me and Steven. Can you believe that?" Mary bashfully, ashamedly admitted. "He was my best friend, really, honestly. But if I could have only been his friend and married you…If I had known and hadn't been so stupid, so…ignorant to what I was really feeling…"

"I understand it, Mare." Rhoda found her hand where it rested on her thigh under the table.

"I have a friend, a lawyer friend of Steven's. I'm sure we could meet with him and have something drawn up."

Rhoda grinned. "It feels like we're having a very un-sexy wedding."

"We could dress up really nice when we go in to sign." Mary offered.

"Oh yeah? Would you wear that one dress…you know the one that…"

"Oh, I know the one you're talking about." Mary's eyebrow rose. "And I don't think it's appropriate…"

"But it's our not-wedding wedding." Rhoda pouted. And how could Mary say no to that face?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was a stark reality. Sitting there in the doctor's office, waiting. Waiting to know, to find out Rhoda's prognosis. Mary hadn't thought it would feel so intimidating, so daunting to be sitting there, waiting to find out what was happening there in Rhoda's lung. Dr. Cohen had called Rhoda in, asked her to come see him so that they could discuss the results and typically if one was called in to "discuss the results" it usually meant something was the matter.

Mary had been a nervous wreck the previous evening but she'd kept it in line the best she knew how. She'd calmly, quietly made dinner, methodically gone through her nightly make-up, skincare routine, and then had finally met a teary-eyed Rhoda in her room, offering her comforting, consoling, stoic arms. Her tears came only after Rhoda's breathing had evened out for the night. The protection of the cabin was missing, gone and they were back to reality. Mary had fallen apart because she couldn't bare not to be able to hold it all together, to keep the world from crumbling down around them.

Rhoda sat there beside Mary, a blank expression on her face, unreadable. Her fingers fidgeted there in her lap, dark purple fingernails tapping restlessly against the arm of the chair. Mary reached out then, covering her hand with her own. Rhoda gave her a distracted smile.

There was a knock at the door before it flung open. Mary and Rhoda's hands jumped apart. Dr. Cohen strode into the room. He was tall, studious, intellectual, but there was a little hint of humor in the way his lip curled as he took Rhoda's hand. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Mrs. Rous - uh Ms. Morgenstern and..."

"Mrs. Cro - Ms. Richards." Mary extended her hand to him.

"Well, I'm sorry to have had to call you in like this." He spoke as he took a seat across the desk from them.

"Doctor, can you just tell me...you know whether I'm dying or not." Rhoda got right down to business, leaning forward intently. Mary rolled her eyes to the ceiling. She wished Rhoda would give up this femme fatal act. She wasn't dying...

Dr. Cohen looked a bit as if he might laugh and Mary felt herself relaxing, felt where her shoulders had gone tense and now she could release them because Rhoda wasn't dying. She could see it in his eyes.

"Ms. Morgenstern..."

"Just call me Rhoda. It's a little less frightening, you know, a little less formal."

"Okay then. Rhoda, the prognosis looks rather good. I will tell you that it is cancerous. There is still a risk involved, though it looks as if it is localized for the moment. It has not spread, as far as our imaging can tell, anywhere besides that spot on your lung."

Mary glanced to Rhoda, feeling tears welling up in her eyes, blurring her vision for a moment, eyes stinging. Rhoda did not look as relieved as she had hoped. Mary reached out and took Rhoda's hand. Rhoda clasped on tightly.

"Well what does that mean? What will I have to do? Will I lose my hair?"

Dr. Cohen sat back in his chair. "No, not if we can get in and operate as soon as possible. I would like to schedule you into surgery as soon as possible. Before the end of the week. The sooner we remove this patch, see, the sooner we can stop it from spreading anywhere else."

"Oh, Mare." Rhoda gasped, their eyes meeting. Mary watched as fear and relief and tears all piled into Rhoda's eyes.

"You're going to be okay." Mary exclaimed, bringing Rhoda's hand to her lips and kissing it. Neither seemed to notice, to care that Dr. Cohen was looking on, his eyebrow curiously peeked before he shuffled through some paperwork.

"You got in at a good time, Rhoda. But we will have to monitor you, make sure that it doesn't come back."

"It could come back?" Rhoda peered back at him, fear gripping at her again. And Mary wished that Dr. Cohen had not mentioned that at all.

"Cancer is unpredictable. But our latest technology can help to slow down and prevent so much. You're going to have a great team behind you, a great support system, it seems, so we'll treat it the best that we can." Dr. Cohen assured her.

Mary could tell that Rhoda was only somewhat relieved, that she was only half-content with the results.

"When can we get in to have the surgery?" Mary inquired, knowing she would have admitted Rhoda to the hospital that very day if she could control the situation. She could tell Rhoda was less enthusiastic, less certain about this procedure. But it made no sense. It would save her life and shouldn't she want that? Shouldn't she be happy that it wasn't worse?

"I've never been in the hospital, Mare. I mean other than when I had Meredith. And I hated it then. I absolutely hated it."

"Rhoda," Mary sighed, exasperated at her sudden gallant display of hatred for everything. "It's a little procedure. They're just going to go in and remove the cancerous spot and then it will be gone. For good."

"It could come back." Rhoda held out her hands, fingers splayed wide open. She'd been searching in her purse for something.

"It's not going to come back, we won't let it." Mary insisted, throwing tomatoes atop the salad she'd made for them. "What are you looking for?"

"My wallet. I want a cigarette." Rhoda huffed, and then pulled out her wallet triumphantly.

"Are you insane?" Mary moved from her spot at the kitchen counter and pried the wallet from Rhoda's hand. "Do you have a death wish? Do you want to die?"

"No." Rhoda snapped back. "But if I'm going to die no matter what, what difference does another cigarette make? What difference?" Rhoda tried to get the wallet back but Mary held it away from her.

"All the difference." Mary fought Rhoda away. "Aren't you relieved? Can't you be happy that it wasn't worse? That it hasn't spread?" Mary called out as Rhoda came at her.

"No. No, I wanted it to have never ha-happened in the first pl-place." Rhoda could hardly breathe, was winded and Mary's brow furrowed.

"Rhoda, Rhoda. Calm down. Calm down." Mary tried to wrap her arms about Rhoda, to calm her down, but Rhoda fought at her, finally pulling away so that they were in a stand-off. Looking there at one another, Rhoda's breath labored, fists clenched there at her sides, eyes accusing as they bore into Mary, as if the whole situation were her fault. Which was preposterous.

"There are other ways to get a cigarette than buying them." Rhoda stated and then grabbed her keys, her coat and Mary raced after her, raced to grab her back, but Rhoda shoved her off.

"Rhoda!" Mary rasped as the door slammed in her face. "Rhoda, don't do something stupid." She pleaded half-heartedly through the door for she was too afraid to open it and yell after Rhoda, too ashamed to have an argument out in the hallway with all her neighbors listening through their doors. She and Steven had never quarreled, not like this. She wasn't quite sure what she should do. She could grab her own coat and try to follow Rhoda, but what was the point? Rhoda was a grown woman who could make her own stupid, idiotic decisions. "Stupid, Rhoda. So stupid." She let her hand fall against the door.

She poured herself another scotch, cutting it with a little tap water. She glanced at the clock, noting that it was nearly eleven. Rhoda had been gone since eight. She was beginning to worry. She should have followed her, she should have gone after her. How idiotic of her to have not grabbed Rhoda a little harder, to have forced her to stay.

She sat rigidly atop the sitting room couch, staring intently at the apartment door. Willing it to open, for Rhoda to barge in, to return to her, to apologize, to say that she'd just been walking and hadn't done anything stupid. Rhoda would come back, wouldn't she?

Mary felt her palms sweat, her heart beat a little faster. She couldn't lose Rhoda now that they had finally found one another, not over something so stupid as Rhoda being afraid of surgery. For that was all this was, wasn't it? Rhoda was just scared and running like she _always_ did. Somehow Mary had thought this time would be different. It wasn't. Would Rhoda run from her?

She sipped her scotch, tapping at the edge of the glass impatiently. Really, Rhoda was driving her up the wall with her disappearing act.

Her ears perked up when she heard a key in the lock, the turning of the knob and then Rhoda was standing in the doorway.

Mary wanted to kiss her, to wrap her up in her arms and kiss her, needed to feel her pressed in her arms. Instead she remained seated, watched as Rhoda tossed her keys on the table in the entryway, removed her coat to hang next to Mary's.

"It's late." Mary spoke first, needing to know just where Rhoda had been.

"Yes, mother, it is." Rhoda slid out of her shoes.

"Don't – I'm not trying to be your mother." Mary snapped.

"Mare, Mary. I need you to hear me." Rhoda stood there in the foyer, not daring to come any closer. "I don't want to hear about it? Okay? I…I need some space. Just a little space."

Mary frowned, could feel her heart beating rapidly. What did that mean? Space? "Rhoda, come on. Can't we talk about this?"

"No, we can't." Rhoda shook her head. "No, I don't want to hear it from little-Ms.-perfect Richards. Not tonight."

"Rhoda, that's not fair. I'm not perfect...I don't think I'm perfect." Mary was getting sick of this, of Rhoda putting her on some pedestal. Didn't Rhoda know how awful Mary had been all of those years? How terrible she had been? There were so many horrible, horrible things Rhoda didn't know. She was no better than anyone else.

"I'm going to bed." Rhoda made it very clear in that statement that she did not wish for Mary to join her. She moved away, down the hall and Mary felt a lump forming in her throat.

Her eyes burned, welled up with tears that spilled over, raced down her cheeks. So this was what being in love with Rhoda was going to be? Allowing her to just shut her out on a whim?

It had _never_ been like this with Steven.

Mary tossed back the rest of her drink.

When they disagreed, they would simply brush it off, exchange a few terse words, and then go to bed together to wake up as cheerful as before. There had never been these blow-up fights, no dramatics, no yelling, no leaving.

Rhoda was different.

Mary shuffled her way into the kitchen to wash out her cup. She'd already cleaned up from the dinner she'd started – not having the appetite to even eat it. She clicked off the kitchen lights, moved down the hall, pausing at Rhoda's closed door. She listened for a moment, listened for any sign of distress, of frustration. She heard only silence, the hum of the heater.

She undressed, too exhausted to wash off her face, collapsing into her bed in her underwear. Her bed, the bed she had not inhabited for weeks now so that it felt foreign to her. Had it been months? It felt like no time at all, yet forever since they had first kissed. She ached for Rhoda.

The bed was too big, too uncomfortable, too cold. She stretched out her entire body over the surface but it only felt emptier. She curled into a ball on her side. Damn Rhoda, damn her. It was torture to be so close yet so far away from her. They had not yet gone to bed angry, had not yet slept apart since their first night together and Mary had no idea how she would survive it.

She had half a mind to get up, mid-way through the night, and go to Rhoda, demand that she not shut her out. But Rhoda was hard-headed, had always been, and she knew her protests would be futile.

So she would suffer through the night. She would suffer alone in her bed.

Her eyes felt heavy. Her head swimming from the alcohol she'd consumed without any nourishment. Stupid. She'd been stupid.

Her eyes fluttered closed sometime around one thirty.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Her head was pounding when she awoke. She could tell, even without opening her eyes, that the sun was too bright where it filtered in through the window. The window seemed different, light shooting in from the left instead of to the right. She was off-kilter.

She stirred, finding warmth, a body at her side. Her eyes fluttered open and she was brought back to reality, back to _her_ bedroom. The bedroom she had shared with Steven and for the briefest moment she thought that if she were to turn just then that she would discover the dark hair of her husband of twenty-two years, might find the man himself laying right there beside her.

But it was the smell of lavender and jasmine that filled her senses, long, dark hair that tickled at her shoulder. Her head turned and she took in the back of Rhoda's head, the curve of Rhoda's body as she laid beside her. She watched, for a moment, the even rise and fall of Rhoda's ribcage.

A smile spread across her lips. Rhoda had returned to her in the night. She hadn't been able to sleep either. The thought made the upset of the previous evening all but disappear. She turned in the bed, turned because she wanted to touch Rhoda, to feel her there with her, as she had been deprived of her the previous night. Rhoda had created a wall, a barrier between them. But now she had come back.

Mary's hand ran from Rhoda's shoulder, gently gliding her finger tips down the length of her side. She could feel Rhoda rouse from sleep.

Mary kissed her exposed shoulder. Rhoda didn't turn to face her, however.

"Rho, are you awake?" Mary whispered, wrapping her arm about Rhoda.

She felt Rhoda nod against her.

"Are you okay?" Mary held tight to Rhoda, as if she might slip away again.

"Mare," Rhoda's tired voice was deflated in the morning light. "I don't want to talk about it."

Mary felt a wave of nausea hit her then. "That…well, okay." Mary curled back into herself. She removed her arm from Rhoda and laid back, arm slung over her pounding forehead.

Rhoda rolled away from her, sat up on the edge of the bed. She felt so far away, though she was right there. She coughed. Mary glanced worriedly towards her.

"I have to tell Meredith." Rhoda reached down for her robe, standing up from the bed. She made no comment about the fact that sometime in the night she'd made her way to Mary, needing Mary. And now she was acting as if she didn't need Mary at all.

"Do you want me to be there?"

"I think I should tell her alone." Rhoda pulled the robe about herself, flipping her hair over the collar.

Mary sat up, suddenly remembering that she had gone to bed nearly in the nude, so that she shyly pulled the sheet over her chest. Though she had seen where Rhoda's eyes had wandered and she hated the distance between them. "Rhoda." Mary spoke firmly, stopping Rhoda on her path to leave the room. "Rhoda, I don't like this one bit. You're not being fair. I thought we said we were going to…to be in this together. I thought…we promised, we promised we would work through things together. We'd stay positive."

"Well, Mare, I'm not feeling so positive at the moment, so excuse me if I don't want to play happy-go-lucky Rhoda." Rhoda turned as if she might leave the room and Mary felt that if she were to step foot outside the door she would somehow lose her forever.

"Rhoda!" Mary called out, stumbling out of the bed, reaching for a shirt to pull on as she staggered and raced after Rhoda, stopping her before she could leave. Stopping her this time.

Mary pinned her there between herself and the door. Rhoda refused to meet her gaze, but Mary could see tears in her eyes.

"Don't run away from me, please." Mary was begging, was fighting because she cared so much for Rhoda, needed her so badly, needed her to let her in.

Rhoda rubbed her forehead with both her hands before leaning her head back against the door. "I don't know what to tell you, Mare. I don't…I don't know." Her voice broke, she looked down to the ground.

"I…I hate being on the outside. I hate that I can't…I wish I could take it all away, make it go away." Mary felt tears in her own eyes.

"I know, Mare. I know." Rhoda nodded, her hands moving absently to Mary's hips. The feel of her touching her, the feel of her there with Mary made Mary's heart pound wildly. "I'm being awful. Totally awful." Rhoda cried.

"No," Mary whispered, stepping into Rhoda's tugging arms, their bodies wrapped up together there against the door. And Mary thought that her heart might break open at the feel of Rhoda pressed there against her, not so far away any more.

"Do you forgive me, Mare?" Rhoda sobbed against her chest.

"Yes, yes, of course. There's nothing to be forgiven." Mary assured her.

"I pushed you away…I, I don't even know why I was so mad with you. It's not your fault I made such terrible decisions." Rhoda whimpered. "You're the…you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I…I'm going to mess it up, Mare. I'm going to mess it all up."

"You're not going to mess it up." Mary stepped back to look into Rhoda's eyes. "Listen to me, you've just been told that you have cancer and so I think you're allowed to have some sort of outburst. But, Rhoda, Rhoda Faye Morgenstern, don't you dare push me away. I love you, Goddamnit, Rhoda. I love you."

Rhoda half-smiled through her tears, pulling Mary towards her, kissing her. And the kiss was like heaven because Mary had missed Rhoda, had missed her so much. She knew, knew deep down that this may happen again, that Rhoda would pull away from her, would not always give in to her. But that was a part of Rhoda, a part that Mary knew and loved despite its hurt. For wasn't loving Rhoda worth it all?

Rhoda was anxious. Mary could tell by how she kept changing clothes. Again and again until she finally settled on what she had been wearing earlier in the day.

"Mare, I don't know how I'm going to tell her…I mean…I don't know if I have the words. I don't know."

Mary laughed a little, as if trying to ease the tension in the room. "Rhoda, Rhoda you're going to be fine. You'll be great. And she'll be glad to hear it now instead of after the fact. Trust me."

"I know, Mare, but I…well, I'm worried. You know, how she'll take it."

"She can handle it, Rhoda. I know she can." Mary clasped her hand in her own, holding it tight. She forced Rhoda to look at her. "Rhoda, you can do this."

Rhoda shuffled a bit, uncertainty clouding her visage.

"Are you sure you don't want me to hang around when you…."

"No, no. I'll do it."

Mary eyed her warily.

"I'll do it. Really, honest I will." Rhoda insisted.

"I'll be right here, though, if you need me. I'll just…make myself scarce."

Rhoda smiled then at her. "Thank you." She moved into Mary's open, willing arms and kissed her, their lips melding together until the buzzer sounded to alert them of Meredith's arrival.

Rhoda jumped away from Mary, her eyes wide, frightened. She raced to the mirror near the door and ran her finger over lips. "Oh, Jesus, Mare. My lipstick is all smeared."

"No, it's not." Mary moved towards her, running a finger beneath her lip but finding nothing out of place. She checked herself in the mirror before nodding for Rhoda to open the door.

"Mere!" Rhoda too enthusiastically cried out, wrapping her arms about her daughter. "Oh, gosh, it's so good to see you."

"Ma, Ma." Meredith had not been prepared for her mother's enthusiastic greeting. Mary smiled awkwardly, apologetically, at her over Rhoda's tight embrace. Meredith rolled her eyes to the ceiling and Mary laughed a little.

"Come in, come in." Rhoda released her, pulling her in and closing the door. The tension that had rested in Rhoda's body all that day seemed to disappear, as if her daughter's presence somehow made it all better, easier.

"Hi Mary." Meredith gave her a brief hug before stepping inside the apartment. "Ma, what is all of this about? Is it about daddy?" Meredith had been told that something was amiss, but she had no clue, no idea. She un-twirled her scarf from about her neck and sat in one of the upright chairs.

"No," Rhoda shook her head, taking a seat on the couch.

"Uh, I'll just…um," Mary realized that she was quite in the way, hanging awkwardly off to the side. "Do you want any tea, or water, Meredith?"

"No, no I'm fine, Mary. Thanks." Meredith smiled at her appreciatively.

"Okay, well…I guess I'll just….be in my room. Doing laundry." Mary awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, not sure what was expected of her.

"Uh, Mare." Rhoda stopped her from leaving with her voice. "Mary, could you…would you stay?" Rhoda held out her hand to Mary. It shook a little there where it waited for Mary.

Mary felt odd, strange to be taking Rhoda's hand in front of her daughter. She had to remind herself that to their daughters they were friends, that was all. And friends held hands, sometimes. Friends were there for support. This was not so strange.

"Ma, what is it?" Meredith looked rather worried.

Rhoda glanced to Mary, as if needing her strength. Mary nodded in assurance, grasping her hand tighter to let her know that it was okay, she was there. She could do this.

"Well, Meredith. There's something I need to tell you." Rhoda turned then to her daughter, rubbing briefly at her forehead, as if procrastinating, searching for the right words to use. Mary realized then that Rhoda had not stated it outload, had not actually come out with it. That she had cancer. What a horrid word it was and Mary wasn't quite sure Rhoda could say it. She could feel Rhoda faltering there at her side, her lips parting as if to speak, but nothing came out.

"Ma," Meredith looked between Rhoda and Mary, a lopsided smile forming on her lips. "Ma, if you're trying to tell me about you and Mary…I already know."

"What?" Rhoda gasped, her voice sounding as if someone had punched her in the stomach.

"Ma," Meredith shook her head. "I'm not a child, I can see what this is. I mean you moved in here, you live together, the way you act together, the way you look at one another, the touching…it's okay. I can handle it. You don't have to get so weird about it. I'm fine with it."

"What?" Rhoda seemed stuck on this word.

Mary could feel her heart pounding in her ears, not sure how she was supposed to react. Should she deny it?

"Ma, come on! I'm happy for you. You look happy, you seem happy with her. She's good for you, Ma!" Meredith, ever the parent of the relationship, assured her mother with great conviction.

"Uh…" Rhoda looked, eyes wide, at Mary, and then turned back to her daughter. "Well, that wasn't exactly what I'd planned on telling you this evening, but…well, Mary and I are very happily together."

Meredith grinned. "I knew it. Rose and I had thought, but we…"

"Wait, Ro-Rose knows?" Mary felt her heart leap into her throat then.

"Well, yeah. I mean we got together for drinks the other night and were talking about it and…well I'm glad you decided to tell me." Meredith looked so genuinely happy and it broke Mary's heart.

She felt tears welling in her eyes. Damn tears. Hadn't she cried enough in the past few days?

Meredith looked from her mother to Mary then back to her mother. "Is there…was that not what you…?"

"Uh, honey, sweetheart. No." Rhoda shook her head. "I have – other news."

"What is it, Ma?" Meredith's brow creased, looking worried then for Rhoda. "Are you okay? Is something wrong? Is Mary okay?" Meredith looked at both of them again.

"Mary's fine…it's me…see, Mere…" Rhoda stumbled over her words. She looked hopelessly at Mary.

 _Do you really want me…?_

 _Yes. Please._

 _But it should be you._

 _I can't._

When had they grown capable of this understanding?

Mary held Rhoda's hand, pulling it onto her lap. Her eyes moved to Meredith. "What your mother is trying to tell you, is that…well, see. You don't have anything to be worried about."

"Worried? What is it?" Meredith was on her feet, coming to her mother, kneeling there before her. "What's wrong?"

A tear slid its way down Rhoda's cheek. She took Meredith's hands in both of her own, bringing them to her lips to kiss them. "Mere, I have cancer. Lung cancer."

"What?" Meredith gasped.

"Meredith, I – well, I just found out yesterday. But they say it's treatable, that it hasn't spread anywhere else. I'm going in for surgery the day after tomorrow. They'll remove it, see? And then it will be gone." Rhoda explained so evenly, so carefully as if she had not grappled with any of it, had not struggled at all. Mary felt pride well in her, placed her arm about Rhoda's back, rubbing reassuring circles against her, holding her close as she cried.

Meredith's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Ma. Ma."

"It's going to be okay, baby. I'm going to be okay." Rhoda whispered, pressing her lips to Meredith's forehead.

Meredith held her then, the three of them dissolving into tears. Suspended in the moment of revelations, realizations.

It was not until Rhoda sat back and wiped at her face that they broke apart, realizing how ridiculous they were all being. "Oh, you know how I hate sentimentality and all this crying and carrying on." Rhoda laughed a little, reaching for tissue to wipe at her eyes.

"Ma, I think this is a time to just accept it." Meredith sighed, looking exhausted, as if the wind were knocked out of her lungs.

Mary wiped at her eyes and stood then. "I think we all need a nice cup of hot chocolate. What'd you say?" The other two agreed readily and as Meredith sat beside her mother on the couch, talking through all that had happened, Mary excused herself to the kitchen. She returned some moments later with a tray of hot chocolate to find the two Rousseaus laughing with one another. The room felt lighter, less emotionally dense.

"Oh, Mere. Meredith," Rhoda ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Thank you." She kissed her cheek. "You don't know how relieved I feel."

"Ma, I'm going to take off class on Thursday. I want to be there."

"No, absolutely not. Go to class. You can come afterwards." Rhoda insisted.

"Ma, how will I be able to concentrate when you're…no, I want to be there." Meredith insisted.

Mary settled on the chair opposite the girls, holding her mug between her hands. She watched as mother and daughter interacted, much freer than they had been in some time, since Mary had first met Meredith. Perhaps the crisis had been good for the both of them, perhaps it would bring the healing the two needed.

"I can't believe you thought we didn't know about the two of you."

"Well, kid, I think you two must have caught on before we did." Rhoda sighed.

"Really? It seemed pretty obvious to me. I mean, the way you two carry on about one another." Meredith grinned at Mary.

"We don't…carry on about one another." Mary felt defensive. For how did it seem that _everyone_ else had seen her potential with Rhoda before she, herself, had seen it?

Meredith laughed, "oh, please. But I think it's really good. Ma seems so happy, more stable here. I guess I have you to thank for that." Meredith smiled at Mary.

"I am sitting right here. I am not a child, Mere." Rhoda elbowed her daughter.

"I know, but Ma. I think it's been really good for you. Having her."

Mary caught Rhoda's eyes. They held one another's gaze. "It's been really good for me, too." Mary spoke without looking away.

"You two are disgusting." Meredith downed the rest of her hot chocolate as Rhoda tried to defend her and Mary. "Listen, Ma, I have a huge anatomy exam tomorrow. I have to get home to study. Even though I hate to leave. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes," Rhoda insisted, looking surer of herself than she had in weeks. "Yes, I am going to be okay. Go study. No failing classes because of lil' old me."

Meredith clasped Rhoda's hands in her own, wrapping her arms about her mother then, holding her just as tightly as Rhoda held on to her. Mary smiled at the sweet exchange.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Ma." Meredith insisted as she pulled her coat back on, twirled her scarf back around her neck.

"Okay, hey." Rhoda grabbed her before she could escape, pulling her back into another embrace. "You're a great kid." She pressed her lips to Meredith's cheek and then sent her on her way. The smile on Rhoda's face was radiant, ecstatic as she closed the door and leaned back against it. "She's some kid, isn't she, Mare?"

"She is. I can't believe they knew. They _both_ know." Mary raked her fingers through her hair.

"Oh, Mare. They both seem fine with it. Isn't that something? Must be how the kids are today, just open to anything and everything. Gee Mare, if my Ma had decided to take up with another woman…boy, I'm not sure how I would have reacted."

"I couldn't imagine my mother…oh, Rhoda." Mary looked at her then. "My mother. I haven't said a word to her."

Rhoda's eyes went wide. "No, oh Mare. No. I think we have enough on our plate as it is. I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms. Not yet."

Mary laughed, "no, you're right. You're absolutely right. She can wait for another day."

Rhoda nodded sleepily, slipping into Mary's ready and waiting embrace. The two held one another.

Rhoda was going to come out of this. Rhoda was going to be okay.

Mary knew this, instinctively, in that moment.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Mary wasn't sure what to do with herself.

She'd brought along some paperwork, thinking perhaps she might be able to go over it before she turned it into the script department, but it lay there in her bag, forgotten. Jonah had been very kind, very assuring that her recent days off were not being held against her, that if there was a family emergency then she most definitely needed to be there and her segment could be handled by the others until she was able to return. She supposed she should feel grateful that he valued her enough to hold onto her when she had been so absent recently. Even when she was in the office her mind was a million miles away…

She glanced up at the double doors through which she was not allowed. Her mind raced with images of Rhoda on the operating table, doctors poking and prodding at her, tearing at her skin, pulling apart her ribs, hurting her in order to save her. Mary hated it, hated the very thought of her undergoing any sort of procedure. But this one was necessary, would save her life.

Though Mary had been quite convinced that Rhoda might never actually make it to the procedure. Their morning – well all of their past thirty-six hours – had been one long, drawn out nightmare. Rhoda was touchy, fussy, petulant about everything. She'd been frustrated, short with Mary, the two fighting about every last little thing. Mary knew, kept in mind, that it was out of fear and her inability to express it that had led Rhoda to be as awful as she had been. It did not excuse her antics, but it helped Mary to feel a little bit better. For perhaps that was Rhoda's way of expressing her frustrations, her worry…by lashing out. How very grown up of her.

And then Mary felt guilty for being upset with Rhoda for she was unconscious, unable to defend herself.

At least they had had one moment of reconciliation, of peace between them. The previous night when Mary had taken Rhoda into her arms, had held her close to her, breathing in the scent of her. And Rhoda had relaxed into her embrace, had not wiggled free nor started a fight about it. She had allowed Mary to hold her and she had cried. At first she'd tried to conceal it, to mask the fact that she was in tears, but soon it no longer mattered and she was crying there wrapped up in Mary. And Mary held onto her so tightly, so protectively, and they had somehow sunken into sleep.

The last sleep for nearly a week that they would have together in Rhoda's bed.

Mary's arms felt dreadfully empty as she wrapped her arms about herself and stared blankly ahead at the never opening door. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been nearly three hours. Surely the surgery was over?

She noticed a nurse saunter through the doors, a nurse who looked somewhat familiar. Mary found her legs clamoring to get up, found herself propelled forward. "Uh, excuse me." She stopped the nurse who looked at her with a rather rude glance, annoyed that someone had caught her on her way to something seemingly important. "Uh, I'm sorry to – um – bother you, but would you happen to know about my friend? Rhoda Morgenstern? Rousseau? You see she's been in surgery for some time now and I just –"

"I'm afraid I don't know. I'm not in surgery today, only intake. And I'm not allowed to give out confidential information about patients either." The nurse coldly regarded her.

"Uh, yes, but I remember seeing you. When Rhoda first checked in. And…and I'm not just anyone. I'm her…I'm…" Mary felt her cheeks reddening, flustered by her lack of words. "I'm…her…friend. See."

"That's nice, but I don't have any information. I'm sorry. I'm sure the doctor will find you when she's out of surgery." The nurse somewhat apologetically smiled and then went on her way.

Mary wanted to scream, to stomp her foot, to push through the double doors and demand to know where Rhoda was, to know that she was okay.

Her fists clenched and then unclenched. "Thanks so much." Mary sarcastically quipped to the nurse's retreating form.

 _Friend_.

She'd called Rhoda her friend, as if they were every day acquaintances. As if they were still only friends with one another. After all they had been through they were so much more than just _friends_. So why couldn't Mary bring herself to say it was more than that?

Friends. Yes, of course they were friends. But they were more than that. So much more.

Lovers. Mary considered this word as she poured herself another cup of coffee. What would that nurse have thought if she'd said "My lover's in surgery and I need to know how she is." No, lover was not adequate either.

Girlfriend? Well, that just got into the complicated mess of girl friend verses girlfriend. And Rhoda was far beyond being only her girl friend. She was even more than a girlfriend.

Wife.

Wife. Mary had been one for twenty-two years. Wife. Rhoda had also been one. Twice. Could two women really be each other's wives? To live married to one another? Hadn't they practically gotten married twice over, almost legally, but not quite? They were one another's medical power of attorney. Rhoda was on her insurance. But no church would recognize them, would they? The state of New York had oddly turned a blind eye to gay marriage as well. Perhaps all those people up North who still lived on farms and disassociated with all the "city-liberals" had prevented legislature from moving forward.

Mary thought on this, for she had lived in the world of politics, knew of New York's inner battles. Steven had run somewhat conservatively, especially for a city guy. He had never officially stated his position on homosexuals to the public but she knew he had never condemned it. It was always a grey matter in the world of politics. Mary knew that he had nothing against homosexuals personally, for they had run in circles with plenty of gay men. But that had never touched her, had never meant anything to her. The fact that Nathan and Edward, two of their closet gay acquaintances, could not get married had hardly crossed Mary's mind. She and Steven had viewed them as a legitimate couple and that had felt like enough.

Now…now that Mary was experiencing what it was to truly love someone of the same sex, to truly want someone and to not be able to have it all…she was realizing how ridiculous the whole legal system truly was, how much it did matter.

Yes, she wanted to marry Rhoda. She wanted to make her her wife so that when a nurse asked her she could proudly, defiantly say "wife" and it wouldn't matter. She was only a person and Rhoda was a person and they were two people in love.

Why couldn't they get married?

The urge to marry wound itself tight in the pit of Mary's stomach, adding to her already nervous state. She hadn't eaten all day, not eating with Rhoda that morning in an act of solidarity. An act which Rhoda had snapped at her for, telling her she would regret it if she didn't eat, and why should Mary have to suffer when she was already suffering…the woman was becoming her mother!

Rhoda had been right though. Now it was doing her head in that she hadn't eaten, though she was quite certain she wouldn't be able to keep any food down if she tried.

She shifted in her seat, staring again at the clock to find that it had only been several minutes since she'd checked it. She hated this waiting. Hated it.

As she scanned over the waiting area again she noticed a familiar blonde headed in her direction, a brown paper bag in one hand and a carrier with three drinks atop it.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" Mary stood up and wrapped her arms about her daughter, surprised by how thrilled she was to see her there.

"Hey mom." Rose allowed Mary to hug her like she might never see her again. "Meredith told me to meet her here and I figured you probably hadn't eaten all day so I brought this." Rose held up the bag once Mary had let her go.

"Oh, Rose. Oh, baby. You're magnificent, you know that?" Mary happily took the meal from her daughter, excited to see a beautiful salad produced from the bag along with a sandwich. "How did you know?"

"I just figured you probably would be too upset or too worried to eat. I know you, mom." Rose grinned and took one of the coffee cups from the holder to sip it.

"You certainly do, dear." Mary conceded and bit into the sandwich which tasted then like heaven. "Thank you. Thank you for coming. You didn't have to come."

"Mom, please." Rose rolled her eyes. "Of course I needed to come. Meredith was upset about it and I figured you'd probably be too…"

"You know, I'm really glad you're so close with Meredith."

"I guess I am too, seeing as how we're practically step-sisters." Rose eyed her mother, with that serious, knowing look in her eyes. The one Steven used to give Mary when he caught her out in one of her harmless little lies about something or other.

"Oh," Mary realized that they had not yet had this little talk.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Rose shook her head.

"Well," Mary felt herself getting flustered. "I mean, I would have. I really wanted to, but Rhoda was worried about how Meredith would take it, you know after the divorce and everything, she was just concerned. So she wanted to wait and I figured I wouldn't mention it to you until she was ready. But then Meredith just kind of guessed at it so…oh, honey. I didn't mean to not tell you."

Rose's serious look slowly broke into a half-smile. "Oh, com'on mom. I'm okay with it. Promise! I mean, it's rather not what I expected, not from you. You who was married to a somewhat conservative politician all those years and played the role of political wife to a T. So it was a little shocking, but really I think it's kind of really cool. I can't believe you knew her all of this time and only now…I mean, did you guys ever do anything? When you were younger?"

Mary was caught off guard by this. "Uh, that is private information. That a mother should not really tell a daughter."

"So…you did?" Rose's eyebrows rose.

"Uh, no. No, nothing happened when we were younger. I had no idea."

"How could you have no idea? I mean from the minute I first saw you two together I knew it was fated to be. When you said she was moving in, how you immediately reconnected, and then when I saw her standing there beside you that first night when we all met. I just…how could you have not known?"

"I didn't know!" Mary insisted. "I didn't know." She looked down at her sandwich. "Oh, Rose. It wasn't like how it is now. It wasn't so easy. You're lucky to have grown up in this day and age where you can date who you want and you already know I support and love you no matter what. I never…I never had that from your grandmother and from daddy." Mary sighed. "I thought marrying a man was the only way to live your life. I'd heard about people 'like that', those strange, other people living an alternative life. I even knew a few gay men in Minneapolis. But…it was never anything I thought of for myself."

"Well, she obviously loves you a whole lot." Rose smiled.

"Yeah." Mary sighed, thinking of how horrible and rocky things had been the last few days. She wondered if Rose saw that, saw the real side of the relationship if she would agree. Though, Mary knew underneath it all that Rose was right. Rhoda did love her, and she Rhoda. Mary glanced at her daughter again. "You're sure you're okay with this?"

Rose nodded, "yes, of course. I want you to be happy and she obviously makes you happy."

"She can drive me up the wall, but…she does." Mary conceded. "She really does. And she better make it through this surgery soon or I will have a nervous breakdown." Mary clinched her jaw.

Rose patted her hand in reassurance before glancing up to find Meredith walking towards them.

"Meredith!" Rose called out, waving her arm about to get her attention. The dark-haired girl walked solemnly towards them, her face worried, upset.

"How is she? Do we know anything yet? Oh God, I can't stand this." Meredith fell down in a seat across from the Cronins.

Mary understood her sentiment. Meredith shrunk down in the chair, making it appear that she had been swallowed up by its surface.

"I brought you some coffee, first of all." Rose helpfully lifted a cup and handed it to Meredith. "Second of all, she's still in surgery as far as we know, but I know it's going to be okay." Rose smiled at Meredith.

Mary smiled distractedly at her wonderful daughter, relieved to know that there was one logical thinking person amongst the three of them.

"Uh, thank you." Meredith sat up to take the proffered coffee.

"You're welcome." Rose beamed, happy to play the upbeat one, to keep everyone's minds off the matter at hand.

"And, uh, thanks for being here, Mary. I know Ma is glad to know you're here." Meredith smiled at Mary and they shared a moment of equal sympathy and worry and fear and gratitude and pain.

Mary reached out and took Meredith's hand in her own. "She's going to be okay."

Meredith just nodded.

The trio glanced up to find Dr. Cohen standing near to them. "Hello there Mary. Nice to see you." He smiled and Mary immediately felt her nerves even out. Rhoda had come through the surgery, was okay, unharmed. She could see it in his face.

"How is she?" Mary scampered to her feet, Meredith standing right there at her side.

"She did great. We were able to take out the nodule and went ahead and took some nearby lymph nodes for testing. But everything looks squeaky clean. She's a little drowsy because of the anesthesia, but she should be waking up now."

"Can we see her? I need to see her." Meredith demanded at Mary's side.

"Uh, yes. Of course. Though, I would like to let you know that she does have a tube in her chest. This is normal after the procedure, just a way for us to get all the extra fluid out of her chest. It will be removed once the drainage has stopped. You may see her, though. She's in room 310."

"Thank you, Dr. Cohen." Mary at least remembered to do that much, her mind and body already racing to Rhoda before she'd even moved an inch.

"No problem. We'll be in touch." Dr. Cohen smiled and stepped back to point the way to the double doors.

This time Mary was allowed access, was allowed to take the doors to an elevator to the third floor where the recovery unit sat. It felt like ages and ages by the time they rounded the corner. Mary felt her heart pounding in her ears, felt a sense of calm envelop her when she could hear Rhoda's loud and petulant voice berating some poor, unsuspecting nurse in the room.

"But I don't want it! Why's it there? It _hurts_." Rhoda's drowsy, broken voice carried out into the hallway.

Mary's feet carried her faster, feeling sorry for whoever Rhoda was complaining to, for she knew that she was out of it and had no idea what she was saying.

Once she rounded the corner into the room she came to an abrupt stop. There was Rhoda, laying atop the hospital bed. She looked so helpless, so bare, so not-Rhoda, that it surprised Mary. She had no make-up on, only a bare face that was pale, her eyes still expressive, but unlined so that they were not nearly as large. Her hair hung loosely about her face, her arms full of tubes and needles, a hospital bracelet about her wrist, another, larger, tube coming from her chest but hidden beneath her hospital gown and the sheets. She seemed most agitated by this tube.

"If you can't leave it alone we'll have to tie your hands down. It's no good to try and pull it out. It needs to stay there." The nurse was calmly chastising her, as if her threats might work on Rhoda.

Rhoda happened to look up then, to see who was at her door and then her entire face shifted, morphed into the happiest, most ecstatic look Mary had ever seen before in her life. "Mare, oh, Mary! Oh, kid. You're here."

"Of course I'm here. I never left." Mary moved forward then, wanting to be nearer to Rhoda, to touch her, to hold her hand, to feel her there with her. She hated how pathetic Rhoda looked on this bed. She wanted to take her and leave with her right then and there, but that was not in the cards. Instead she took Rhoda's hand in her own, Rhoda's fingers clasping tightly at her. "Oh, Rhoda. You did wonderfully."

"Yeah?" Rhoda deliriously asked.

"You better leave that tube alone, though. You heard the nurse. I'll hold your hands down if you don't cooperate."

"Do you promise?" Rhoda's eyebrow curved up mischievously.

"Rhoda," Mary whined, "the girls are here." She whispered pointedly without turning around, knowing that Meredith and Rose were standing there behind her, watching this interaction with a great deal of interest.

"What?" Rhoda looked perplexed, confused.

"Ma, I'm here." Meredith appeared then at Rhoda's other side, taking her hand.

"Oh, Meredith. Oh, kid. You came." Rhoda's face lit up again.

"I did. I came as soon as my test was over. How do you feel?" Meredith inquired, looking her mother over.

"In pain." Rhoda sighed.

"Oh, Ma. I'm so glad it's over." Meredith smiled a little, patting her mother's hand.

"Me, too. Me, too." Rhoda nodded and then glanced up. "Oh, and Rose. Rose, you didn't have to come."

"Well, someone had to keep these two from drowning in angst and worry." Rose laughed.

Rhoda laughed as well. "I like her, Mare. She's a good kid."

Mary could only look down at Rhoda, Rhoda. Her Rhoda with such bright life in her eyes. So joyous, so full of fight. She could see the relief there, the happiness that the surgery was past, that this cancer was no longer inside of her. She just wanted to…to kiss her.

She leaned down, brushing a strand of hair from Rhoda's cheek. She intended on kissing Rhoda's other cheek, for it would be chaste, and kind, and simple. Though Rhoda moved ever so slightly so that when Mary leaned forward her lips met Rhoda's. Mary staggered back a little, taken off-guard, glancing at her daughter and then at Meredith who simply looked on with great admiration and love.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Mary felt her shoulder cramping, her body uncomfortable where it rested in the chair. It felt as if she had been in the hospital room for days and days, but she realized it was only Rhoda's second of the prescribed five nights in the hospital. Meredith had cuddled with her mother the previous night while Mary dozed on a chair awkwardly. This evening Rhoda had assured her daughter that she would be fine and had sent her on her way to go study for her exams.

Mary refused to leave, however. Mary felt it necessary to keep watch, as if something might happen. She had left only for a few hours that day to check in at work, make some final cuts, and then to race home to shower and change before returning to Rhoda.

Rhoda was slumbering peacefully, her face relaxed, her body at ease in sleep. Mary knew that the worst of it was over, but she hated seeing Rhoda this way. It did not mesh with the Rhoda she knew, the Rhoda who was so full of life. This Rhoda wore a horrible hospital gown, looked so sunken in and tired. Mary wanted to revive her, to hold her in her arms as she had been able to only a few nights before. The machines and cords quite interfered with that, however.

"Heya, kid." Rhoda had awoken during Mary's errant thoughts. Her voice was sandpapery, drowsy from the pills they had her on.

Mary smiled as their eyes met. "Hey there." Mary pulled her tired, sore body from the chair.

Rhoda held out her hand which Mary encased in her own. She clasped it between her hands as she sat at the edge of the bed, smiling as she kissed the back of the veined hand. When had they grown so old? But Rhoda's smile, oh the way her whole face lit up, that was timeless. "Got a real kiss for me?"

Mary laughed, leaning forward to brush a few locks of dark hair from Rhoda's cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"It hurts, pretty bad. So I think I deserve a little kiss, don't you?" Rhoda pouted a little.

Mary's smile only spread further, her lips moving closer until she met Rhoda's chapped lips. "Oh, Rho." Mary sighed, tears welling in her eyes for no reason at all. She didn't want to break down, to be anything less than strong for Rhoda, but here she was getting teary-eyed.

"What is it?" Rhoda asked. "Oh, Mare. It doesn't hurt that bad. Oh, kid." Rhoda clasped her hand tighter where they rested on her stomach.

"No, oh, Rhoda." Mary gasped. "I just hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you…oh, this isn't right." Mary wiped at her cheeks and reached for her purse, shifting around in it until she found a tube of lip balm. She placed a little bit on her finger and then rubbed it gently across Rhoda's lips. "Do you need some water?"

Rhoda considered this question before nodding in affirmation.

Mary reached for the cup of water at the bedside table with a rather dramatic bendy straw inserted in the top. She held it up for Rhoda who drank appreciatively.

"Thanks, Mare." Rhoda tapped her wrist, wrapping her fingers there.

Mary settled the cup back on the bedside table and then leaned forward again, giving Rhoda another kiss, this time it was cherry flavored and moist.

"Mare," Rhoda sighed as they parted, staring then to the foot of her bed though her fingers played over Mary's forearm.

"Yeah?" Mary curled Rhoda's hair behind her ears.

"You're…uh," Rhoda fiddled with the bedsheet. "You've been so…so kind and you've stuck by me…I can't imagine what I must look like in this state. Probably a wreck. And I hate it, too, kid. I feel so powerless, so useless. But you…you've been an angel, Mare. A real angel."

"Oh, knock it off." Mary waved her off.

"No, really. Wait, let me…let me say this." Rhoda pressed her lips together in thought. "I'm…I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really, uh, sorry. For, you know, how I've been these past few days. I don't think I would have been as patient as you've been with me if I'd acted the way I did. I probably would have just broken up with me. I've just been so horrible, real awful, Mare. Totally terrible."

Mary was laughing, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Why are you laughing? I'm trying to apologize for my childish behavior. I really don't think you should be laughing –"

"Rhoda, oh Rhoda." Mary sighed, gasping for air. "Marry me."

"What?" Rhoda looked up at her then, having not expected this response at all.

"Marry me, Rhoda." Mary straightened herself out, suddenly very serious.

"Kid, we can't, it's not –"

"We'll figure it out. Oh, Rhoda. I want you with me for the rest of my life. I want to wake up every morning and know that you'll be beside me and I can't stand…I just can't stand the thought of never having you and I just…I want to be with you. I want to call you my wife. Even though it sounds kind of funny because we've had husbands for so long, but I think I could get used to it. And I want to walk beside you and be there for everything, and damn it, Rhoda Faye. I love you."

Rhoda had tears welling in her eyes then. It only made Mary want to cry harder. "Don't you think you're being a little hasty? Just because I've undergone this surgery and it got you a little emotional…oh, Mare. I was just so terrible to you and now you want to marry me?"

"Rhoda, come on. You've been scared out of your mind. I've been scared out of my mind. So you walked out one time, so you got a little angry with me a time or two…that's what a relationship is. Being there through all of that."

"You really are an angel."

"Would you stop it and marry me?" Mary grinned.

Rhoda smiled through her tears, pulling at Mary to kiss her again and as their lips brushed together Rhoda whispered, "yes. Yes…Mary Richards. I'll marry you. For real. Or as real as the State of New York will allow."

There was an intense contentment, excitement that filled Mary the first night Rhoda returned to their home. It had been five horribly long, terribly uncomfortable nights of Mary sleeping awkwardly in cots or on chairs. Her body was tired, exhausted. There was a great relief that came with bringing Rhoda home. Poor battered and bruised Rhoda.

She was a real champion though, walking from the cab, walking to their front door, collapsing into the couch upon entrance into their home.

"I've never been happier to see this apartment, this couch, to smell this air, this fresh not-hospital air. Oh, Mare! I'm home. I'm really home."

Mary let their bags fall from her arms at the door – they would be taken care of later – and moved happily to where Rhoda sat. "You are, you are and I couldn't be happier to see you here." Mary sat carefully beside Rhoda, taking her into her arms and holding her gently, carefully. "How are you doing?"

"So far?" Rhoda worried her lip. "Okay. Though I definitely want one of those pills I saw you pick up as we were leaving before I go to bed. Oh, Mary." Rhoda looked to her, such happy contentment in her eyes. Mary loved this, loved that they could finally just be away from that horrible hospital room, away from the nurses and the dizzying overhead lighting. Here they could sit in the dimming evening together in one another's arms.

Rhoda sat back, looking troubled for a moment.

Mary kissing Rhoda's forehead. "Mm?" She waited for what Rhoda had to say, to ask of her.

"Mare, I really…well the hospital made me feel icky and gross and I was just…do you think, I guess what I'm trying to say is, could you help me?"

"Oh," Mary realized what it was she was asking. "Of course. We'll have to be careful of the bandage, but yes."

Mary helped Rhoda up then, holding onto her arm as she guided them into her bedroom with her fantastic bathtub. She turned on the water, testing it with her hand until it was just the right temperature. Once the tub was left to fill she turned back to Rhoda, who was leaning sleepily up against the bathroom counter. "I'm so happy you're home." Mary braced her cheeks between her hands, leaning forward to give her a gentle kiss, though she felt Rhoda's arms go about her, holding tightly to her, deepening the kiss.

"Oh, Mary." Rhoda sighed. "I've missed you."

"Yeah, I've missed you, too." Mary grinned. "But no funny business. Not yet." Besides, the woman looked quite like she needed to pass out right then and there. Dr. Cohen had warned that she would be sleepier than usual for a few weeks yet.

Rhoda pouted as Mary unzipped her jeans, pressing them downwards to the floor.

"Here, sit down." Mary helped her onto her make-up stool. Rhoda complied and Mary removed her shoes, the jeans and then pulled her shirt carefully, tenderly over Rhoda's head. She wasn't quite sure she could get used to the fact that there was an incision there beneath the bandages. She hated that there was a mark, marring Rhoda's perfect skin.

Rhoda looked down at her chest, frowning a bit as she did so. "It's not very attractive, is it?"

Mary smiled and clasped onto Rhoda's hands. "It's beautiful. Just like you." She leaned up on her knees, pressing a gentle kiss beneath the bandage, nestled there between Rhoda's breasts.

"Oh, kid." Rhoda breathed, her fingers tangling in Mary's hair.

Mary kissed to the left, to the right, there above the bandage and then she pulled herself up to kiss Rhoda on the lips. "Let's get you in the tub."

"You will have to undress me, further, slave." Rhoda held out her hands as if she were a queen.

"Why, yes. Of course. Your majesty." Mary bowed to her before sliding her hands about Rhoda's waist and unhooking her bra. She slid the straps from Rhoda's arms revealing Rhoda's perfect breasts that she had not seen for weeks – for the week before surgery had been rocky and lacked any sort of foreplay, or play for that matter. Though this was still no time for it. Mary admonished herself for even considering it. She sat the bra on the ground and then helped Rhoda up so that she could remove her underwear.

She would have to view this like caring for her own daughter when she'd been younger and she'd given her baths. Yes, this was pure and innocent. Rhoda's beautiful body there before her was in a state of repair. She needed her rest. She needed to heal.

Mary did not look down, instead she held onto Rhoda so that she could step into the half-full tub. Mary rolled up her sleeves, settling atop the stairs outside the tub. She reached for a washcloth, shutting off the water.

Rhoda's fingers skimmed lightheartedly over the water's surface. "This feels so nice."

Mary hummed, wetting the washcloth before pouring some soap onto it. She rubbed it until suds appeared and then carefully slid water up over Rhoda's arms, mindful of her bandage. She slid the washcloth over her soft skin, running it over her arms, beneath her arms, across her back, sliding gently over her stomach, pausing only momentarily before sliding it there, gently, carefully, between Rhoda's legs. Rhoda's arms moved to grasp either side of the tub.

Mary turned her head, finding Rhoda's face there next to her own. So close. Rhoda was wide awake then, alert, there with Mary in that moment. Mary moved ever so much closer, brushing her lips to Rhoda's lips. The kiss was slow, leisurely, her hand not removed from its spot there between Rhoda's legs. Her hand slid up the inside of Rhoda's thigh, and then the other. Their lips parted, Rhoda smiling appreciatively, a little breathless then. "I don't know what I would do without you, kid." She leaned her head back against the lip of the tub.

Mary could only hum, rubbing the wash cloth over Rhoda's lower legs, her feet, and then she was removing every last inch of soap.

"Can you hold your head back enough for me to get your hair?" Mary inquired as she got up to find a cup.

"I think so."

Mary returned to her side. She held onto her head as Rhoda allowed the weight of it to rest in Mary's palm. Mary carefully poured water over those soft tresses, careful to not let any water seep down her front. Rhoda closed her eyes, allowing Mary to rub shampoo delicately into her hair, and then she carefully washed it out again.

Rhoda smiled contentedly up at Mary.

"Let's get you dressed and in bed." Mary kissed Rhoda on the forehead, as if she were a child. Rhoda nodded and allowed Mary to help her up. Mary wrapped her in a big fluffy towel before helping her to the bed to sit her on the edge. It took her only a moment to go through Rhoda's drawers to find clean underwear and a nightdress, which she helped Rhoda into.

"Oh, Mare. I feel like a million bucks. Thank you." She spoke once she was happily arranged in bed for the evening. Mary had returned to her side with a glass of water and a pain pill after going through her own nightly rituals.

"I'm certainly glad to hear that." Mary settled on the edge of the bed, rubbing lotion into her hands post her own after-hospital shower. She couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips as she watched Rhoda down the pill and then settle comfortably into the bed.

"What?" Rhoda eyed her.

"I'm just so happy to have you home. With me. In your – well really – our bed." Mary settled into her side and curled up there beside Rhoda, careful to not get too close.

"I'm really glad to be home. I hope I never have to see the inside of another hospital again. Or at least for a very, very long time." Rhoda yawned.

"Let's hope that." Mary nodded positively. "You better get some sleep."

"Yes, ma'am." Rhoda's eyes were already closed.

Mary grinned, leaning over her to press their lips together before flipping off the bedside light, leaving them in darkness.

She slept a full eight hours that night, uninterrupted, Rhoda's hand in her own the entire night.


End file.
